Monday, March 30, 2009

The thing I love about living in this small apartment is hearing all the crap that goes on around us. The thing I hate the most about living in this small apartment is hearing all the crap that goes on around us.

I kinda enjoy listening to my neighbors argue. Mario thinks I'm evil. I just figure if you are going to argue that loud and put it out there...I might as well enjoy it.

We have some neighbors just across from us that are just obnoxious. They are young and love to fight. I half laugh because he and his woman don't talk, they yell about everything. "Bitch don't throw my cell phone!" "Fucker you threw my cell phone first!" They really are like 5 year olds fighting and cussing.

They are also friends with some people across the street. Instead of calling them on the phone or walking over to say hi, they scream at each other. I hear "Hey fool, get your fucking ass over here!"...a lot.

Unfortunately these people have reproduced. The kid is cute, but I feel so bad for him. I listen to his mother and father yell at him all the time. When he cries, I hear "Shut the Fuck up!" "Shut Up!". When he does something they don't like, they call him stupid.

Tonight I got fed up with hearing them tell their son to shut the fuck up. I'm sitting here with all the doors open and I turned around and yelled "shut up!" It quieted down for a little. Then started up again. So I yelled "oh my god, just shut up" I know I've stooped to his level. I should have just gone and talked to them. However, I know that they don't even talk to each other, they aren't going to just listen to a neighbor criticizing their parenting skills.

So now I am listening to him mock me. He's yelling "OMG!" and "Shut up". Pretty dumb, however, I have gotten something from this...his wife is now yelling at him to shut up and they're arguing about him being obnoxious.

Now here's my question. I don't' want to be one of those neighbors that sits and listen to a child be verbally abused. Every time I hear them yell at their baby to "shut the fuck up" I wonder if I should be calling on them. When is it appropriate to call child protection services? I certainly don't want to have the baby taken away from the people he loves. However, it's so hard to listen to these people yell at a baby who can't even talk yet. Am I being to sensitive?

PS I just realized this weekend that they are expecting another baby.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Quilt Convention 2009!

Can you feel the excitement!

Also Here are some photos for Guilty Noodles...

This is only some of the wine that she brought for her three nights here

My mother is a tornado coming into once clean and cute little apartment is turned into a big storage unit for her shit. Doesn't all her shit piled up against the heater look safe?

This is the aftermath of the convention. Mom passed out and crap all around here.

Now off to the LaBrea Tar Pits...woo hoo. It's actually cool there.

Friday, March 27, 2009

My Mother Has Landed

Yeah she made it to town yesterday evening. Have I ever told you that my family doesn't visit with just a bag a clothes? No. My mother will only be here until Sunday morning, but she brought all of her mail with her from the last month. Why? She also brought all the magazines from her house. To read in between going through her mail? She brought groceries. That's fine.

She even brought quilt patterns with her. A lot of them. No she will not be doing any actual quilting while here. She was just so excited about her patterns she wanted me to see them. She will no doubt be buying a lot more. And I'll have to look at those also.

She did bring girl scout cookies for me though. She loves me. She also brought 8 bottles of wine with her...I told you she loves her wine.

Like I said, she'll only be here until Sunday morning.

(I should have posted a before and after photo...she's like a tornado hitting our little apartment)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

What Have I Done?

More accurately what has my sister-in-law done?

My mother is a quilter. One of those obsessed, weekly group quilting classes, going to quilting shows, obsessed quilters. My sister and I joke that our inheritance is sitting all over my mother's sewing room. Seriously. I think there is more fabric in there than can actually be used in her lifetime.

A few weeks ago Angela(sister-in-law) and I decided that my mother should come down for a visit. However, I needed a good reason for mom to visit. With her house on the market, every time I tell her to come visit, she informs me that her house will be sold then and she'll be packing that weekend. I know...lame excuse. Who's avoiding me. Remembering there was a quilt show coming up, I mentioned to Angela that mom would find it very hard to refuse. Angela immediately goes to the computer and emails my mom the link to the show. Next thing we know plans are made and mom intends to come on down.

Now here is the problem. Angela looked up the quilt show. Angela emailed my mom. Will Angela be coming to the quilt show with us? No. Everyone has bailed on me. Even Mario, who is still in mother-in-law ass kissing mode, isn't going with me. He gives me this pitiful look when I mention the quilting show and says he'll miss me.

It will be me following my mother around, holding her shopping bags, reminding her to save a little inheritance money for her future grandchildren, while my sister calls and checks in with me to find out how much money my mother has spent. And even though my mother will try to cut a deal with me to keep my mouth shut to my sister. My sister will eventually find out, because who can really hide that much fabric?

I know it will be only one day of my life. However, the rest of the weekend will be spent looking at all the quilt photos she took and showing her how to load the photos onto her blog.

Thank you Angela for inviting my mother to visit you.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I am Normal!

I got my results back from my doctor about my CT Scan. The good news is that the results are normal.

It says the results of the scan on my head are normal. I obviously am taking it to say that I am normal in the head! I AM NORMAL the doctor said so!

I want to frame it and carry it around with me all the time and show everyone. Of course I scanned it in and it looks like shit. So as much as I'd love the entire interweb to see how normal I am...well I'm not sure that you can. However, I'd be happy to mail a copy to anyone interested.

PS...You'll notice it says I can make an appointment if I'd like to discuss the results. I think I will make an appointment to discuss the results of me not getting to see a photo of my brain.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Emails From Mom

My mom cracks me up. So I have been thinking of starting an "Emails From Mom" section in here. (I should actually choose a different title because usually it's the instant messaging that cracks me up.) I have been waiting for the right email to come in from her. So when she sent me this email, I figured this is the perfect time to start. Here's her email. Short, sweet and to the point...

well girls,

your mother got nailed by the doctor so I went into the wc lab and got blood drawn.
you mother is very healthy.
cholesterol is 229 down from 278
hdl is 71 up from 55
lsl calculated is 130 down from 174
triglyceride is 141 down from 243

Keep up the drinking.....
you loving mother

"Keep up the drinking" is obviously my favorite part. She's pretty sure that all the wine she drinks is what is keeping her healthy. For those of you that were at my wedding, you know how much she loves her wine! I would say she was drinking when she sent this, however I know she sent it from work. I'm afraid to ask her what she means by "your mother got nailed by the doctor".

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Can You Be This Relaxed?

I was just reading a blog and she mentioned that her visit to the dentist was the most relaxing hour she'd had in a while. At first I immediately thought "What!?". Then it reminded me of a time when I was at my dentist office in high school. Our family has gone to the same dentist since my mom was in college. So I grown up with Dr. Liu. It's a comfortable visit usually. Except that he has no problem giving us shit. "Well this would hurt so much if you'd just floss your damn teeth" and "oh I heard you did this". Couldn't get away with anything.

One Saturday morning after a late night, was our six month visit to our favorite dentist. I was exhausted and Dr Liu was feeling generous, so he let me just be mellow. He let me relax instead of giving me lots of crap and forcing me to talk with his hands in my mouth(I personally think he loved that shit). I was just laying enjoying myself in the comfy chair. When I realize Dr. Liu talking to me. There is a slight urgency to his voice. Then I finally hear him. "Loosen up a bit, loosen up. Laura let go of my hand" I immediately let go. Then went back into my stupor.

Is it really possible to be that relaxed at the dentist? So relaxed in fact, that you could be biting someones hand and not even realize it?

Yes, yes you can. So I fully understand how that was the most relaxing hour she'd had in a while.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I love when people don't pay attention...

I just watched a guy walk into the elevator doors. He heard the ding
but didn't look to see which elevator opened. Not sure how he missed

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Short and Sweet

This is something my mom emailed me today. She had filled it out and I noticed a trend. Who emails mom? Me. Where would she rather be? Burbank(who would rather be in Burbank? It's because I'm here!) I totally think I'm edging my sister out as the favorite daughter! After 30 years, I'm finally ahead!

1) Four places that I go to over and over and over:
Disneyland, Target, Ikea,

2) People who e-mail me (regularly):
My mom, Tracy, Angela, Etsy

3) Four of my favorite places to eat:
Octopus, Theresa's, Harry's, The Corner Bakery

4) Four places I would rather be right now:
Kauai, Santa Barbara, Target, a road trip

5) Four TV shows I watch:
Lost, Mark and Ollie: Living with the Machigenga, I Survived, The Mentalist

6) Four Things you should be doing right now, instead of doing this:
Vacuuming, Working, changing the laundry over, working the farm!

My Brain

So I finally had my CT Scan today. My doctor decided with the migraines and tension headaches that she wanted a scan to make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong up there.

Before my appointment, my mom and I had a very serious discussion about my brain. More importantly if I had one. Mom decided that I had butterflies instead of a brain. I thought that was cuter than the cobwebs I was imagining, so I went with it. Although I actually suspect there is a little evil garden gnome in there with a hammer, wreaking havoc.

Being the nerd that I am, I was a little excited to go to my appointment. I wasn't allowed to eat for 4 hours beforehand because I was doing a scan with contrast. Four hours was no problem. However, when I noticed that I hadn't eaten breakfast by my cut-off time, I was a little bummed...and hungers. I wasn't really too hungry, until I was sitting in the waiting room. Some lady came in with a gross looking drive-through pizza hut pizza...god it smelled good! I want to know who brings food to the doctors office? Who can't wait that long? Anyway, luckily I didn't have to wait long and was ushered back to the room with the big doughnut thing in it.

After a little confusion and phone calls, I was finally loaded up on the machine. They needed to take a scan of my sinuses. I started getting nervous. I was laying there, eyes closed and I heard the machine turn on. I tensed up a little. I have a touch of claustrophobia. I never let it get to me, but there are times when I'm aware of it. I started feeling that little twinge of that closed in feeling. Then I heard the machine rev up. I started feeling dizzy. I felt like I could feel the scan going through my head. It was really making me nervous. Since I had to do two scans, I had already decided to keep my eyes closed so that I wouldn't notice how small the area is. However, in my mini anxiety attack, I opened my eyes. And noticed that I wasn't even getting scanned yet. Dumb ass. That's so me. After that, I totally got over myself and just relaxed and went with it.

The next scan was the brain scan and required contrast. So they had to hook up a IV(I guess that's what it was) with a liquid dye in it that goes into all the veins and blood vessels, changing the color of the blood. Making it easier to see all the veins, so they could better see any problems. The only problem was finding a vein. It usually takes a while for technicians to get the right spot in my veins. Yeah I'm stubborn and so are my veins. This guy worked on me for a while. He was trying to find a vein right where my wrist and my thumb meet. Started on the left arm and after jabbing around there for a while, he finally bandaged me and moved on to my right arm. He worked there for a while. He found a spot. I could tell he was working around. Then I felt a warm spot on my arm...sorry to be gross...he hit a little gusher. Blood was running down my wrist. So he gave up there but had to wait for me to stop bleeding. Then he went to get the doctor. This guy gave it a good try too. I was pretty relaxed and not really worried. This wasn't new to me. However, they started feeling very guilty about all the needles and torture. So the doctor finally decided that he would run the brain scan without contrast. If it looked good, then we'd just leave it at that. If he felt we needed to go back and try the dye again, we would. After half an hour spent trying to insert that needle, it took five minutes to finish up the second scan. They said everything looked good. He would just send the scans over to my doctor, and if she really wanted it redone then we would try again.

So as the tech guy is apologizing about all the needles, I figured it was the perfect time to ask to see my brain photo. Because how awesome would that be! He looked nervously at the computer room. He was considering it, I could tell. Then he said no. Then before I could stop it, the nerd in me came out. I heard myself asking this cute young guy if there were in fact butterflies in there. Yup. Can't help myself. Of course he took me right up to the waiting room and dumped me there. I know he went running back to take another look at my brain scan. I'm sure he found some retardation in there this time.

I left with some nice bruising from all the attempts at getting an IV in me, starved myself for no reason and had no brain photo. I'm a little mad that he couldn't show me my brain. I would have totally showed you guys! So I'm going to beg my doctor to show me. I want a picture of my brain!!!

Although if there are butterflies in there, that would explain my inability to beat that stupid easy setting Nancy Drew kid game.

Friday, March 13, 2009


I'm sure most of you out there are on Facebook. I resisted it for as long as I could but then signed up. It wasn't really all that interesting to me. Then some asshole sent me a tree. That one little tree has started an addiction that cannot be undone.

I Laura am addicted to Farm Town!

I'll start from the beginning. Farm Town is a little world where you are a farmer. You start with a little bit of money, plant crops, make more money. As you make more money, you plant more crops, buy animals and farm equipment. You visit your friends farms and help them clean up and harvest their crops. You make money for doing these little things.

Farm Town is crack for the Facebook user. My own mother keeps coming over to my farm asking for money. She needs more more more! I don't know what it is about this place. I don't know if it's the ability to make money...I make far more money on there then in real life. However, you have to be patient and wait for things to grow. Some thing only take one day, some three...but you have to wait. They keep you wanting more! I'm sure it's a good idea but it drives me crazy, you can only do so much work on there per a day. Then you have to wait for tomorrow to work again. However, I have to thank them for this. If they didn't do this, I would be on this stupid game ALL DAY LONG! I would loose hours and days of my life to this game.

Mario and I plan when to harvest the crops. Now my sister-in-law now meets us online from work to harvest. Now my own mother is on this game all the time. As I'm writing this she has gone and raked my farm for money and points.

I even whored myself out last night for the stupid game. I friended some twerp in Texas, so that I could add another neighbor and reach another milestone. I don't know this guy and I don't want to. But I want those stupid points, coins, trophies and harvests. I woke up feeling ashamed...and then I signed in and got my trophy for the extra neighbor and didn't care any more about my whoring...because I GOT MY TROPHY!

PS as you can see there is one more spot for a neighbor...I know you want that spot!

ADD Blogging

I sat down to write a blog about the adventures of the last few days, however a migraine took over. I pretended it wasn't really there for a few hours, then finally gave in. Took some meds and hid in a dark room. Apparently sleeping for a few hours did nothing for the migraine. And now it's almost 3am and I'm still awake. What do they put in migraine medicine? Caffine. What am I sensitive to? Caffine. It's going to take me a while to get to sleep and this bastard of a migraine is still hanging on...

In other random news, the ice cream man is back with a vengeance. It's now "happy birthday" on repeat. He came down our street four times in a two hour period yesterday...and I was trying to figure out why the happy birthday song was stuck in my head. That guy is weird.

My best friend from high school sent me a message on They want me to pay to see the message and I think that's dumb. Is it bad that I refuse to pay to see the message? Our friendship didn't end well but curiosity is killing me. So i sent her a message with my email in it. She can decide if she wants to pay them. Why can't she be on facebook like normal people.

I just encouraged my cat to hunt a mosquito eater bug so that I could hear the kitty dolphin hunting noise... It cracks me up. But then he actually caught and ate it...made me gaggy. He was so proud.

That's all I got people...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I had every intention of just sitting in front of my computer working my tush off yesterday...mixed in with a little Farm Town on Facebook of course. However, those plans were thwarted the hubbs. His friends from way back when, were in town and he had invited them over for a BBQ last night. I love when he does that to me!(she says dripping with sarcasm)

My computer time quickly turned into "clean this f'ing house quick" Our house was a decent size disaster and we had no idea when they'd be coming over. I'm actually impressed how quickly and thoroughly we got this place together. Have I told you how much I love my steamer mop...yeah it's love. I'm one of those people who's gotta have this place clean if people are coming over. Even the people that are over here all the time don't see this place too bad.

Anyway, We had a great time. I finally got to meet some of Mario's friends from the past. John, Naomi, and their two kids, Ethan, and Savannah came over. They were a lot of fun. The kids were awesome and had a wicked sense of humor. John and Naomi were so nice and fun. We all sat around the fire pit and talked for hours. It was a nice evening, with great people and great food...Mario nailed dinner.

Tonight we're going to have dinner with them again. Also, tonight will be my introduction to "Medieval Times". I have to admit I'm nervous. It's a big theme restaurant with a show going on while you eat. There are a king and Queen, and we have a knight. The knights will be jousting and riding around. The worst utensils. I like utensils. I do hear it's tons of fun...I'm sure that will make up for the no utensils. However, wish me luck, Mario says he'll be heckling the knight from the other team. Should be an interesting night!

PS I'll take photos.
PPS Melissa and Courtney...Mario's friends are from Grants Pass. Do you know any John or Naomi Bell?

Sunday, March 08, 2009

How does it happen without you knowing?

I was sick a few weeks back. I'm 99% all better, a little lagging cough is left. However, you know when you are pretty much finished being sick, but you wake up in the morning and your chest feels a little heavy. Like everything has settled in your chest during the night. I woke up one morning last week and just couldn't breath very well. It was a mystery. I had been feeling better for the last few days, so this was a little disconcerting. Then I woke up a little more, opened my eyes and realized that there was an orange cat laying on my chest. Well I dumped Bob off of me. Problem solved...deep sigh of relief.

Here's my concern though. Bob has always been like velcro. He's always following and laying near me. God forbid I actually go to the bathroom without him. He's actually called the potty police. However, lately I've noticed him more in my face. I lay on the couch and he's laying in my lap or on my back. Now I'm waking up with him laying on me sleeping while I sleep. If I'm on the computer he wants to be on my lap or on my shoulder.

It's not just that, but now he knocks on the front door when he wants in or out. We have a cat door to the backyard. They have been more than happy to use that for the last two years. Well, now if he wants out the front door, he wants out the front door. How dare we expect him to walk around and come in the back door. Last night our friends left and Bob went out front for a while. The second that I got into bed was the moment he wanted to come in. No shit, as soon as my head hit the pillow, Bob sat outside our bedroom window meowing to be let in. So I actually got my butt out of bed and let him I wish I had gotten my ear plugs in sooner.

Now my question is...when did I become Bob's bitch? How do you get sucked in to that role without even knowing?! For those of you who know me, was it as subtle as it seemed or have I just been oblivious?

Friday, March 06, 2009

Pink or Blue?

No I'm not pregnant. Yesterday was our friend Dave's birthday (husband to Colleen, who I sometimes talk about here on the ol' bloggy).

The evening started out with us going to dinner at the "Pink Taco"...oh yes it is called that. When you walk in there's a sign that says "Eating out has never tasted so good!" funny! It's one of those hip little places in LA. It was pretty fun and dang good food. Colleen and I couldn't decide what we wanted. So we split the shrimp and Lobster tamales with a chipotle brandy cream sauce. There was definitely some moaning going on. We also had a tequila sipper. I'm so not a tequila person but Pear Vanilla so so good and smooth. They make it themselves there so we're going to try to figure out how to make it.

After stuffing ourselves, we slowly made our way to the theater for the midnight movie. In preparation for his birthday Dave bought tickets for a midnight viewing of "The Watchmen" like two months ago. He was pretty excited to see the movie...I on the other hand had no idea what the movie was. Geek alert! It was a comic book movie, so there were lots of people hooting and hollering during the exciting parts of the movie. I didn't know any of the background of the movie but it ended up being really good. The one really big conversation piece after the movie? The glowing blue guy's willy. Apparently he was very unconcerned about showing his flaccid crank. However, I was a little confused. Sometimes he'd wear a suit, sometimes underwear, and most times, nothing at all. Why wear undies sometimes and not others...why? The blue willie is novel at first but then distracting later. Anyway, it was a good movie, even if it was 3 hours long.

We had a great time. It was an evening of body parts. Pink taco's and blue weiners...what could be better?

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Do you want to know what's pissing me off today?

A while ago, I bought a couple of computer games on clearance. Now don't give me crap...they're Nancy Drew mystery games. Yes, I bought them at ToysRUs. They're kids games ok! They were really cheap and I thought they'd be fun.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I can be dingy at times. My sister got the smarts in our family. I even remember the day I realized that my little sister was smarter than me. I was around 10 or 12 years old.

Pinochle was the game that my father's family always played. As a child, I remember hours spent watching my family sitting around the table playing. I would sit on my dad's lap and try to figure out what was going on. When we were old enough, we talked my dad and grandma into teaching us. It was a quiet afternoon. Dad and Grandma had laid out the cards and rules. We were on our way to finally playing the family game. It was dad and Grandma against me and Lindsay. Why the beginners were on one team and the experienced players on the other, I don't know. However, we were having fun and were actually doing pretty well.

Half way through the second game, my sister couldn't decide which card to play. She started talking through her options.

"Well grandma has played this card and that card. Dad has played this card and this card. You could be holding that card. If I play this card, that will flush out that card and hopefully another one of those. But if I play this card then this will happen."

I remember just staring at her. That was the moment that I figured it little sister is smarter than me. Two years younger than me, and she knew to think ahead to figure out what could happen. The girl remembered what cards had been played. And she knew what cards the adults would play depending on what card she laid down. This is something that hadn't really occurred to me. I was merely going through the motions. Playing more of a guessing game.

It was one of those moments that I have thought about many times over the years. She knows the story and I've told many other people about it, because I'm very proud of her. Some of the things that come out of my sisters mouth amaze me. The girl's smart. Mensa smart. Her best friend, Melanie is also Mensa smart. Melanie has taken the Mensa test and did really well. We both know that Lindsay would rock the test. However, Lindsay's escared to take it. One day we'll get her drunk enough to take it. In the mean time, the smart shit that comes out of her mouth is proof enough. I've never been jealous of my sister. I am a smart girl too, I'm just more likely to deliver a zinger rather than useful information. However, I am sometimes jealous of the amount of information and logical stuff stored in her head.

Some of that information and smarts would be especially useful right now, because I'm totally getting my ass kicked by the Nancy Drew game. Yeah, that's what's pissing me off today. That damn kids game on the easy setting is just too much for my little brain. I'm not sure that this kids game has heard so many bad words before.

...I should just send it to my sister to finish.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Things that are slightly and totally disturbing to me...

1)I caught Mario looking at mini-vans online yesterday. Why you ask? I have no idea. We own a 4-Runner and a Pt Cruiser. Is that not enough room for a family...that we don't actually have yet? Yeah, I think we'll be fine with what we have. Although I'll take this as a sign of his thinking more of having a family.

2)It was very much reinforced today that I definitely don't like people in character costumes at amusement parks. I don't know how to react to them. I don't know if I should look into the character's eyes or try to figure out where the real persons eyes are and look there. Yes I know they are just real people, but they just creep me out.

3)I hate when people say they are older and wiser, so you should listen to them. I totally used it on a cousin today though. Totally annoying to pull, yet I did it.

4)Mario crawled into bed last night and fell instantly asleep...and didn't notice the big pile of cat barf on the blanket on top of him.

5)This is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen...if you can actually hang in there to the end...the worst part. I don't care if the kid is smiling at the end, it's just not right.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Why is it...

That when I'm all riled up and ready to get lots of work done
today...Mario decides he wants to take me out to a nice little lunch
and hang out with me. Figures.

I'm also very proud of myself. We took our taxes to our tax guy Diaz
yesterday. Diaz was very impressed with the growth of my business. If
I can impress the tax guy, I must be doing pretty well. Now I feel
like I need to do better yet for next year.