Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dog Lump

Part of owning a tiny dog with no body fat...or body mass for that matter, is keeping her warm. Every night she crawls into bed, under the covers and cuddles up with one of us....mostly me. She does this all year round. The dog can not be warm enough. No matter how over heated you are, she needs to be warmer.

Not only does she cuddle up to us, she becomes "one" with us. I know...sounds weird.  However, no matter where you move, she moves with you. She's like a little a leech! A tiny leech! That little dog somehow rolls and scoots with us. No matter where you roll, she's there stuck to you! It's a little maddening at times, but for the most part, we've gotten used to it.

She's so small, that she's almost imperceptible underneath the blankets. The cats routinely step on her, getting her "evil" growl. The "bitch get off of me!" growl...that sounds more like a muffle mouse sneeze. Other than the growl, you'd never really know she's under the covers.

Most mornings, Mario is up first. He'll shower, come back into the bedroom to dress, and then get back in bed to hang out with me a bit and talk before he goes to work. Usually he'll locate the little dog lump in the bed, pet her and try coaxing her awake. Which is getting harder and harder to do now that it's getting colder out.

This morning when I woke up though, he had a funny look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he had a blog for me. Ooh mama loves a good blog! He said he had come back to bed and was cuddling with the dog, talking to her through the covers, and giving her kisses like normal...until about ten minutes in he saw another part of the bed move, and realized the dog was on the other side of me. Tula popped out from underneath the blankets and it was only then that he realized that he had been cuddling and kissing my foot through the blanket the entire time!

Now that's starting the day off right! I couldn't stop laughing...yes that makes for a good blog! Of course Tula climbed right back under the blankets and went back to bed.

Friday, December 21, 2012

It's That Time Of Year

That time of year when I start getting excited about starting off the New Year! It didn't even really occur to me that it was coming up, until I realized what I was doing. Organizing shit. I'm not even finished dealing with Christmas stuff!

It started a few weeks ago while doing laundry, I found myself reorganizing mine and Mario's dresser. It came out of no where. Then bam! Dressers looked good and everything fit in them again. It happened again the next week. I decided to start my end of year business tax paperwork early! Why? I have no idea. However, I just have a few updates and I'm ready for taxes. Then last week again. It was midnight and Mario and I had just gotten home...and I started organizing the hall linen closet. I have no idea what started it or even how long it took, but next thing I knew the entire closet was straightened up, rearranged, and there was more space. Then I moved on to the bathroom cabinet and baskets for organizing. I was excited about the closet and bathroom cabinet though, because those two chores had been on my to-do list for so long it was making crazy. However, I was so inspired that I moved on to the medicine cabinet and the two cabinets above the toilet. Why shouldn't I be organizing band-aids and medicine at 2 am?

The only problem...this whole New Years nesting, reorganizing craziness that I do every happening sooner and sooner! I should be relaxing and working through December  My plate has been full with work more work than usual, a new website, and being the go to girl for all the family photos...why am I adding to my plate already full plate?

Because it makes me stinking happy! Lame, I know! There's more on my list though. Our awful bedroom closet has been calling my name for months! I've been fantasizing about fixing that shit up! It's a mess! I have big plans when I get a chance...I'm hoping January will bring some time for me to work on it. Especially if I get all this organizing crap finished like I am! However, then there are all the photos that I need to organize into photo albums, the family photos that need to be scanned, a ton and a half of negatives that need to be scanned, oh and the garage that really needs a picking through...ok I'm a little less excited about organizing  the garage, but it will awesome to be able to park in it again and not run over crap!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

My Personal Trainer

A few months back Mario and I purchased a treadmill. It took the better part of a day to wrestle that bitch down the hall and into the bedroom...but we eventually got her in there. Over the last few months my relationship with the treadmill has been similar. I wrestled with it at first but, now it's there. And now my feelings for the treadmill changed from extreme dislike to slight enjoyment. I actually find myself being drawn to it a bit now.

When I started it was torture. The treadmill is well placed next to a tv for distraction, but it's really no help. You're going no where and there really isn't anything on television to distract me enough to make the walking any easier or more fun. It was pretty painfully boring really.

However, I have a new obsession. This new obsession is getting me through treadmill time. You guessed makeup tutorials. Yeah, I can watch these non stop. Good tutorials of course. These are the perfect distraction for me on the treadmill! What's even better is that I can attach my ipad to the speakers on the treadmill and blast those crazy tutorials non stop! 

I usually make a deal with myself to watch 5 or 6 tutorials. No stopping until a tutorial is completely finished, even if I've already hit an hour. Sometimes I'll crank up the incline for one full tutorial or I'll run while the tutorial buffers to a point. It's worked out really well for me, because I love those tutorials and am willing to pay the price to watch them.

The only thing working against me is our damn wireless internet. One day I decided to put the treadmill on the highest incline for one full tutorial. I ended ended up on that incline for 40 minutes because I refused to give in to the slow internet...I was determined to watch that whole tutorial! My body hurt the next day. Earlier this week I ended up on the treadmill for nearly an hour and 20 minutes just because the internet was being a jerk and decided that I didn't really need to see the second half of the tutorial on Smoky Sparkle Crystal Party Eyes...but I didn't give up! I needed to know where those Sparkle Crystals went on those eyes! This is important shit after all. 

Somehow the internet has become my personal trainer against my will. You are stubborn internet, but I am just as stubborn. Challenge accepted internet, challenge accepted!

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Christmas Vacation

One of my all time favorite movies is Christmas Vacation. It's so brilliant and awful, that I quote it all year long. It makes me happy. I have a soft spot in my heart for all of the Vacation series...but Christmas Vacation is it for me. I watch it while I wrap presents. I nap to it on the weekend. I quote it endlessly.

When Mario and I met, he had never seen it. I was completely shocked. This man is a movie buff. Name a movie and he'll quote from it. Old or obscure...he probably knows it. But he hadn't seen this Christmas family favorite!

First thing I did was pull out my copy and put it in the dvd player. He fell asleep. I seriously had to consider whether this relationship would go any where. I wasn't sure that I could be with someone who couldn't at least appreciate this movie a little.

Fast forward  six years and he knows it front to back. I say "Let's get around these egg timers" and the man cracks up. He says "Lets burn some dust" and I reply "Eat my road grit liver lips!" So, yesterday as we were instant messaging while he was at work, the conversation automatically turned into Christmas Vacation quotes and it warmed the cockles of my heart.

Me..."I need to find a safe spot for the three photo albums Uncle Chet let me borrow"
Mario..."I have a safe spot for them"
Me..."Bend over and I'll show you"
Mario..."You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold"
Me..."I wasn't talking to you"
Mario..."cue the chain saw"
Me..."And to think you hadn't even seen the movie when we first met"
Mario..."I know my quotes now!"
Me..."I think it makes our marriage that much stronger honey."
Mario..." too sweets"

Cheesy, I know...but it makes me matter how cheesy slap schtick it really is. It just makes Christmas for me.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

A.D.D. Blogging

1. Last night a commercial came on for dictation software and Mario asked if that would be helpful for my blogging. I told him that would be great. I could talk as I work on my photos! Brilliant! Then it occurred to me, that I'm my mother's daughter and all you would see is long rambling blogs peppered with curses, snorts and laughing. Maybe it would rock...most likely it would show you how true the ADD blogging is...oh sparkles!

2. I absolutely love seeing my family for Thanksgiving. What I love most is that down to earth, no bullshit opinions of my Uncle Chet. I went up to northern CA with a few things I wanted to ask his opinion on. I came home with lots of great advice and so much to think about.

3. I've gone crazy and to decided I'm putting a new website up for my business by the new year. I'm so ashamed of my site as is...I can't stand it! New yea,r new look! Hold me to it people!

4. My Uterus just sent Mario a text message asking him to bring home desert after work. My Uterus will be very upset if it doesn't get desert...the rest of me will be ok with it.

5. When ever an infomercial comes on and they say "Don't be fooled by...blah blah blah..." I have to say "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got...I'm still Jenny from the block". In the same voice as the announcer of course.

6. We changed the locks in our apartment last weekend. I forgot to tell our cleaning lady. So, today when she tried to show up and couldn't get in, she decided that was our way of telling her we didn't want her working for us any more. She called me pissed off and I couldn't help but laugh. I told her I wasn't that much of a chicken shit and that I'd make her a new key...Mario didn't have a key yet either.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Christmas Treats

I recently found out that you aren't supposed to flush cat litter down the toilet. Maybe you already knew this...I did not. Most boxes say flush-able after all. I was a little bummed. It's so easy to throw that shit right down the crapper and move on. One easy step! I even almost pretended that I didn't hear this new information, but the nice girl at the pet store mentioned the poor sea otters. Damn cute sea otters. Lucky for them, the guilt overrode the lazy part of me and now I put the unmentionables in little bags and deposit them in our trash, instead of flushing it.

This has been in practice for at least a few months. Mario does his part and empties the litter box before he leaves in the morning. I'm usually stuck with the rest of the day. So, as I was running around trying to clean up a bit yesterday, I got a little side tracked and put the little bag on the entertainment unit next to the mail.

It was completely forgotten until later that evening when Mario came home. I was just headed down the hall, when he started to talk to me. I turned around and started answering his question, but couldn't concentrate...because I was watching Mario play with this little white bag on the entertainment unit. He was holding one of the little fun size candy bar shaped "gifts" in the bag. He gave a light squeeze...rolled it around...and then looked up at me confused.

Me..."What are you doing?"
Mario..."What are these?"
Me..."cat shit, babe"
Mario..."Oh my god!" jumping backwards as if he'd been attacked "OH MY GOD!"
Me..."What did you think it was?"
Mario..."I thought someone had given us some candy! I was trying to figure out what it was without breaking into the bag!"
Me laughing..."Babe, it's the same white bag you fill up with poop every morning...what looked different about it?"
Mario..."I don't know...oh my god!"

I love that he empties the litter box every day and yet he was completely grossed out by this fondling through the bag. Maybe he had already imagined himself eating one of these morsels?