Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Mars Bar

Mario's had a tough week. He's been a bit of a bonehead. I'm gonna assume it's from all the thinking he's doing at work. Cause he's had some doosies.

Last night Mario came to the restaurant after work to visit and escort me home. He came in to say hi to everyone for a bit and then we headed on out. Mars had a lot of stuff to talk to me about with work, my shoot this morning and other shit. So it took a while for us to get to the car with all the talking and discussing. On the way, I was thinking that it sucks that we had both driven there, cause I didn't want to stop talking to Mario...we were on to some good conversation. We got to the car and he put my computer in the back seat for me and then proceeded to stand at the car talking...then he climbed into the passenger seat of my car. For a second I was really happy...until I turned around and saw his car parked next to my car. Mars was still talking away in the passenger seat.

I opened the driver side door and said "Honey if you are sitting here, who's gonna drive your car home?"
Mars..."Oh shit, I forgot...I was so wrapped up our conversation...damn" He scurried out and over to his car and we drove home separately...and I laughed all the way home.

Sunday night, I handed him my phone and told him to take a look at a photo I had taken. He grabs my phone and then asks "Why the hell did you video your foot with your toes wiggling? That's what you wanted me to look at?" My response was "Um jerk, you are looking through the camera at my foot. Try looking at the photos instead of my foot." I couldn't stop laughing at him...

There have been more of his "episodes" however, I am having an "episode" myself and can't remember what he's done...

This isn't something Mario does but it does make me happy and I felt I should share...

However, he does do this. One minute he was sitting up next to me on the couch practicing his Ukulele and the next thing I know he's like this...

It has that "Creation of Man" from the Sistine Chapel feel. Mario decided he needs a cape and he's very superman-ish...

Monday, August 30, 2010

My best asset and my biggest downfall

We're getting ready to head up north on Friday for a wedding on Saturday. For once in my life, I haven't spent from the minute I got the invitation until now, stressing out about what I'll be wearing. I just happened to eye a very cute dress a month and a half back and bought that bitch up. It's perfect for work and perfect for the wedding. Cute black dress, plunging neckline with a cute little ruffle along it. I'll be honest it's taken all I have, not to have worn it to every shoot I have.

The only thing I have been wondering about was what I should wear with it. Shoes...check. Earrings...depends on the necklace. Necklace...this is what I have spent my last few days stressing out about.

I decided not too long ago that it was time to add necklaces into my wardrobe. The only problem is that I get the tiniest bit claustrophobic. Not a huge amount. However, things around my neck get to me. I have a hard time wearing scarves for this same reason. I have learned to wear scarves in the last few years...it's now time to work on the necklaces. Right now seems to be the perfect time to start working on this. Do you know what makes this the perfect time? Beautiful long layered necklaces. I love them, plus it's so loose around the neck.

So, I have had my eye on some necklaces at Urban Outfitters. I've tried them all on multiple times. I've taken photos of me in them, trying to decide what will work with my cute dress. Last week, after showing the photos to multiple people and asking opinions, I finally purchased the necklace that I had my eye on. I actually bought a couple...the second one was on sale ok?!

I got home. Put the correct bra on. Tried on my my dress. Put my necklace on and ran into this...

The necklace gets lost in the cleavage! I'm upset. I had my heart set on this necklace...now I need other options. So I went through my very small choice in necklaces

Other necklace I bought because it was on sale but had no intention of wearing with the dress...

This one is ok but just doesn't have the pizzaz that I want. It's just not bright enough for me...however is displays the rack nicely. The third choice is a necklace I've had for a while, but don't wear because it's short and heavy...hello claustrophobia. Also, I feel like it brings attention to that second chin hanging off my face...

Or maybe it's just a bad angle. Either way it just doesn't seem to fit with the dress. So option four is just a big pair of earrings...

Then I can wrap option #1 around my wrist list a fun bracelet. 

I like this option, but Mario seems to think that I do need a necklace to detract from the boobies. Cause they are on display. I actually might have to sew that cleavage up a bit for work...the boobies might not be so appropriate during work hours. Unless I want to start working for Hooters...but I just don't think that I'll look good in those shorts and pantyhose.

What do you think...should I just keep looking? Or just deal with what I have?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

There is nothing sexier than big leg holes

There ain't nothin I love better than some new cute panties! And every time I reach into my undie drawer for a pair of panties in the morning, I'm reminded of how much I am in need of those new panties. I'm down to the not quite right panties. The panties that are not quite comfy, have scratchy fabric, or are just built weird. You know, the panties that you wear when all your other panties are dirty. You wear them even after your old holey undies are dirty.

The only problem is that I'm down to only the uncomfy undies. The old holey ones have long since been tossed out. I am now left with some very cute panties, but holy hell they are not comfy at all! I want to tear them off the minute I walk in the house. Going commando is looking better and better.

Well, a few weeks back I decided to remedy this problem of mine. I happened to be at a discount store and decided to take a look at their packages of undies. Now normally I go to the big girl store for undies. They provide a number of very cute and sexy panties for the bigger tushes and hooters. The only problem...e-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e! It's ridiculous how expensive it is. This discount store is priced far better than my big girl store. So, why not take a look. There was a chance that they wouldn't have my size though... so I was prepared for this.

Lucky for me, the planets aligned and low and behold, my size undies in my price range were sitting on the shelf. I was a little excited. Here's the problem I was having though. I'm guessing by the options on the shelf, that big girls only like to wear huge pairs of undies that cover them from the leg up to their boobs. Cause they mostly had huge briefs and a a few pairs of other styles...not in my size. They had the big briefs, hipsters, high cut briefs, and bikini.

I was liking the bikini and the hipster panties...however, there were absolutely none in my size. There were tons and tons of the big briefs and almost nothing else. I searched through every package they had and finally....finally found a pair of the high cut briefs. I was skeptical. I haven't bought these before. I had no idea how they were going to fit on me. However, judging by the photo, they should fit reasonably well and at least they weren't the big briefs.

Wrong! I now own three pairs of panties that cover from my crotch to over my belly button. The undies are tight around the waste and loose every where else with big leg holes. I'll admit they are fairly comfy...because they so loose and flowy. Loose and flowy isn't quite what I'm looking for in my undies though. It feels like a lot of fabric under a skirt. Not to mention the fact that the undies come up three to four inches over the waistband of my skirts. It's slightly annoying...and a little embarrassing. I'm not really liking Mario seeing me in them. They aren't quite the sexy time panties I want him to see me in. They are more like big mama has given up on looking sexy for her man and likes big flowy leg holes.

Despite all of my complaints, they still come in a fraction higher on the list of undies than the not quite right panties. So, I wear them. I just make sure that Mario's exposure to these big mama panties is limited. Very limited. I'm sure I'll be wearing the regular big mama briefs in the next ten years...I just don't want to turn him off just yet.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


So you know last week when I said that I rarely pull rank or get all bitchy on Mario? Well, I had to pull rank on him this week. Of course it was totally about something that I thought I would never do. I had to veto what he was wearing.

I hate when ladies tell their man what to wear. I have a friend who used to choose what her husband would wear to events. Not an every day thing but she'd go bye his clothes, shoes, and any accessories she liked. I can't tell you how many times they'd go out and she'd tell him to go back upstairs and change. I would give her a lot of crap for that. Why not let the man be himself and choose his own clothes...he's a big boy, he can handle it.

So telling Mario what to wear has never been on my list of things to do in the morning. I have a hard enough time choosing what I'm wearing, without figuring out what he should wear. Until last Friday. I was still laying in bed. We were talking while he was getting ready. I saw him put on a tshirt. I saw him shake out a pair of cargo shorts. I saw him put on his leather sandals. He went into the bathroom to brush his hair and teeth. He picked up his computer bag and had it on his shoulder. Then as he turned to say goodbye, I saw he was wearing sweat shorts...his scuzzy sweat shorts. What the hell happened to the cargo shorts?

Me...Honey you can not wear your those shorts to work!

Mars...I'm going to wear my pajamas to work

Me...No you can't babe, those are not appropriate for work

Mario...Look I'm going to be sitting in the dark all day, I might as well be wearing pajamas

Me...I understand you wearing sweats when you have to work on the weekends, but not during the week. Your boss is going to be there.

Mario...I don't care

Me...Look I know you are over worked and need a break, but you still want them to hire you back for the next show


He sat on the bed while and totally pouted while I went to get a pair of shorts out of the dryer.

Cut to Saturday morning. We were getting ready for a picnic, he strolled out of the bedroom in his sweatpants with a big shit eating grin on his face. Very happy man.

Although, now that I look back I can't decide what was more of a problem, wearing sweat shorts to work or wearing sweat shorts with nice leather sandals.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My favorite person of the day...

Today I got to photograph three beautiful kitchens for a Kitchen and bathroom company. Nicest people. Beautiful kitchens. Great shooting day. With house one down, we headed to the second house. It was a secluded house up in the hills. The home owner was sooo nice. A little older, very sweet. Her house was very exotic and also built around her fancy cats. The dining room had specialty glass doors installed so the cats were kept out. There was an outdoor screen door on her office door to keep the cats out(this was funny because the rest of the house was so exotic and fancy). There were beautiful scrolled iron doors installed in the kitchen to keep the cats out. The back porch was made into a huge outdoor cage by using beautiful scrolling iron gates. It was a really cool idea. The cats could be outside without being outside. That cage was huge and totally cat customed out. Shelves, carpeting, beds, chairs, clawing things...all for cats. If I were a cat I'd hang out there all the time, hell, I'd hang out there even if I wasn't a cat. I'd have hung out there today if she'd have let me.

When we got there the cats were out in their big fancy cage. Well, a couple of them were. There were other cats hanging out inside. One of the cats stood at the door meowing like crazy, cause he wanted in and he wanted in now! She started explaining that he was one of her new kitties. He's the baby and thinks he runs the house. He also happens to be a trouble maker. So that's why he's locked out in the cage. She was trying to show him who's boss.

Then this sweet little lady then turns to the door and yells "IN YO FACE!' to the kitten. Awesome! That's why she's my favorite person of the day. I've been saying "IN YO FACE" to everyone I walk past...in my head of course. I've been turretting it all day.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

TMI...lots of girl talk

So thanks to nature, I've had the opportunity to try out the menstrual cup I bought a few weeks ago.

A mere two weeks after my last period, this one has come out of left field and hit me like a truck. My periods are very much like me...very laid back and mellow. My period a few weeks back was barely a period, in reality it probably wasn't one at all. So this one is shit. I'm at home convalescing. Partially because I'm afraid of what will happen if I go outside (I had a pretty horrifying experience yesterday...you can fill in your most embarrassing period story here) and partially because every girl deserves a day in every once in a while. So I curled up on the couch watching the cooking channel.

First my discovery...French Cooking At Home. Boring name, very laid back cooking, slightly pretentious cook. Which is pretty much is what I loved about being in France. There are lots of fresh ingredients, some that I have tried and some that I haven't, and the recipes look simple...which means I might give some of them a try. I love shows that show simple recipes that I can make myself. Otherwise what's the point. It's also one of those shows that appeals to the photographer in me. Simple and beautiful. It's on my list of shows to watch now. It goes up there with Jamie Oliver at home....in love with that show...which just happens to be on next.

Now for the menstrual cup. I'm torn on it. On the one hand it's really a life saver, on the other I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I'll be using it from now on. We went to a swimming party BBQ on Saturday...the first day of this killer of a period. I was able to swim, relax, and hang out without having to worry about leaks or accidents. It was really awesome. I was able to use the restroom without having to worry about sneaking a tampon into the bathroom to change. I was able to enjoy my day. With the cup in I was able to pretty much fool myself that I wasn't having a period until later that night when I needed to change it. That was a miracle.

Removing the cup is something that takes some finesse. You are pulling the cup straight down, so it's not too much of a mess. However, it's a bit more graphic than what you see with tampons and pads. I'm sure if this period weren't such a killer, it would all be a better experience overall.

As for my hating it...it's not the cup I hate. There's just that point in your period, when you don't want to put anything else in you. You just want to be done with the whole thing.  Actually the cup is all that can handle this  monster period...this one is a bit beyond what my tampons can handle right now. Overall, I will continue to use it for sure.

Well, Jamie Oliver is on now so it's back to the fetal position for me and some more Motrin...work you magic mr pill...work your magic!

Friday, August 13, 2010


Mario and I have the same phone...with the same ringtones. There are quite a few choices of ringtones,  but they're all pretty standard. When we got our phones, Mario decided that he wanted every person in his phone to have their own ringtone. Which meant that if I want to hear my phone ring, I need to use one of the few ringtones that he doesn't use. That left me with the duck ringtone. My phone quacks.

Monday I met with a friend for lunch. As we were walking back to my car, she stops and starts leaning around and looking around me. I start turning around trying to figure out what she's looking at. As I did I realized my phone was ringing, so I picked it up and just stared at her. She finally says "I hear a duck. I think there's a duck behind you. Where is it?" She was completely serious. That's when we both looked at my ringing quacking phone. "Oh, I totally thought there was a real duck." I just laughed and said "Cause there's going to be a duck in the middle of the Vons parking lot right? "

Needless to say, I've been looking for a better ringtone. Plus I don't know if I want a duck quacking while I'm talking to a client. I've been looking around for something that would work. A few years back I had the theme song from Sanford and Son...I loved that ring! It was my favorite! Part of me wants to use that one again if I could find it, but no luck so far.

While I've been looking for my own ringtone, occurred to me that the ringtone Mario selected for when I call him sucked. It's like a spooky Halloween music. I'm not sure if I should be offended really. But if you're gonna play the mean scary music for the mean scary wife, then really play it up.

So, I've been looking for a ringtone for me and Mario. I haven't found anything that tickles my pickle. However, I found the perfect ring for when I call Mario's phone. Of course they have the "your wife is calling. You must be in trouble buddy. blah blah blah" That's really not me. I rarely pull the bitch card on Mario, so it seems like a waste. Instead, I found the perfect ringtone. Of course it exudes nothing but class and respect.

Last night after Mario fell asleep, I grabbed his phone and downloaded this perfect ring. I was going to wait and call him at work, but then I remembered there is absolutely no phone reception in his office...very disappointing. I would love to have caught him in a meeting or even when it was nice and quiet. Plus, I wanted to see his face when he heard it, so I called him as he was leaving the house today.

He stared open mouthed with a slight smile on his face as the phone said...

"It's a big tittie alert, it's a big tittie alert, someone with big titties wants to talk to you, get your vitamin D!"

Yeah like I said it's all class when it comes to me. We'll see how long it takes before he changes the ringtone.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Every night as I'm falling asleep, I come up with great blog ideas. When I sit down to actually write them...I can't remember even remotely what those great ideas were. It's making me mad too! I'll lay there giggling about it and think "oh I'll remember and write about it tomorrow." Who knows how funny they would really be in the light of day, but at least it's a blog right?

In the mean time I've been hanging out at the diner working away. We might have been nominated for Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares...very excited. Rene was a bit hesitant when the casting people called but we talked her into filling out the paperwork. I think it's a great opportunity. This place and everyone here really needs a kick in the butt. They are all partially in denial and partially overwhelmed with all that really needs to be done. So fingers crossed people!

I finally mapped out how far away I live from the restaurant and realized it's ridiculous to be driving down here. So I've been riding my bike here. It's really a nice little ride. Less than a mile. The only pain is carrying my laptop. This is when I regret buying the 17inch computer....it's too heavy!!! If I keep this up and prove to myself that I can be consistent with the bike riding, then I'll finally let Mario build me the beach cruiser that he's been wanting to. I just don't want to spend the money on something that just sits there. Although I have to admit I really want one!! Ok I'd settle for a bike with breaks that aren't ancient...ok and I want a new basket that would hold my computer...and a BIG butt seat.

I'll leave you with this...We dog sit these little guys every once in a while. Our favorite thing to do is getting them howling. Cracks me up. The day before we couldn't get them for howl for anything. This day they both got into it. The pug is "Google" he's a doofus, but he's cute. The fat little chihuahua is "Pongo" and he's in love with Mario. I just don't compare. Plus I don't have the tummy to sit on like Mario...I think Pongo likes being eye to eye with him.

Thursday, August 05, 2010


I have the original iPhone. My iPhone and I have been inseparable since the day I got it. It has not only saved my butt a few times, but has allowed me to run my business from other states...all while looking slick and cool.

I have been in denial for a while, but now see that my beloved phone is loosing the battle with age. It's getting close to four years old. Rarely does the phone ring any more...which is fine by me, I don't like answering the phone anyway. In the optimal situation, the phone will ring. It's kind of shocking when it does. However, most of the time, it sits next to me silent. Then when I pick it up to make a call, it will say 5 people have called, I have 3 voicemails, and 8 texts. I have no problem getting emails. I will get emails on the same phone, from someone telling me that they have been trying to call me. Really it fits my personality perfectly, it's just not conducive to running a business.

So after years of turning down Mario's suggestion of upgrading to the new iPhone, I finally caved. That iPhone 4 finally convinced me that it was time. You want to know what sold me? The camera and video options. It's now obvious what's important in my life. Two way camera, flash, video...yep. It wasn't the fact that the phone will ring when being called, or tell me I have a voicemail when it comes in and not an hour later...it was the camera.

After waiting a month for the hubbub to simmer down with the new iPhones, I finally decided to make the purchase...only to find out there was still a three week wait to get the phone. I put my order in online and prepared for the 3 week wait.

A week into the wait, I got an email saying my phone has been shipped! So today I wait. The FedEx site that I may or may not have check 5 million times, says it will be delivered before 3pm. Around 11am I decided to take the chance and go to the bathroom. As I was coming out of the bathroom, I heard the truck! Woo hoo! I ran to the door and stood there all excitedly...and then looked down and saw the door hanger saying that they tried to deliver, but no one was able to answer the door because they were in the bathroom pooping!!!! What I heard was the truck driving away!

I immediately got on the phone and called FedEx to see if they could make the truck turn around....pretty pretty please! They put a request in to have the deliver guy try again. whew! However, it's a request and although it's likely it will be delivered, it's not a promise.

Today, I hear every car and truck drive by the house. Everything sounds like that truck, but it's not. not yet anyway. I was actually fooled a little while ago by the local "produce" truck.( "Produce" is questionable. They deliver twice a day. Once in the middle of the day and once at 11pm. What produce are they selling at 11 pm!)


Wednesday, August 04, 2010


I hate having my period. I don't hate my period itself, my period really isn't all that bad, I just hate dealing with tampons and all that. 

One day I was reading about greener solutions to health and beauty. Baking Soda instead of shampoo and toothpaste, compostable toilets...you know, fun stuff. They eventually talked about greening up your period. I have to admit I was a little interested.

I'm a tampon girl. I'll even go so far as to say that I use OBs...no applicators and only a small amount of wrapping. Not too bad, but really not all that green. They use bleach and other chemicals. Knowing this, I was curious what other options there were. Some of the options that women have for greening up your period are organic cotton tampons, fabric reusable pads(not a chance), and then menstrual cups. None of these options sounded really great...especially the fabric pads. However, like most products I look at on the internet, I always read the user comments. 

It was interesting really. Most people that had bought and used the menstrual cups were raving about them. So I started looking at different menstrual cup options. The one that caught my eye was the Diva Cup. The name is cringe worthy, but the site was pretty helpful. I definitely put it on my list of things to try.

As luck would have it, we happened to drive by the store that carries the Diva Cup on the way home from a friend's house. Mario was nice enough to pull over so I could run inside and look for one. I totally made him come in with me...he wasn't thrilled but he obliged the ole wifey.  

There were two options of Diva Cups sitting on the shelf. While Mario wise-cracked about all the other green stuff on the shelves, I grabbed for one of the Cups and tried to figure out the difference. They looked the same, but one said it was for "women over 30 or for women who have had a natural birth or c-section". The other was for "women under 30 years old or for women who haven't given birth. I grabbed the cup for the over 30 crowd. 

Mario was curious what the difference was. I told him that I was going for the cup for 30 and over cup. Of course he started asking why I needed this one if I haven't had a kid. My response? "Well, honey, apparently when you turn 30 years old, your lady bits get all stretched out, cause it says I need the bigger size." He just laughed. I was offended really. I'm a big girl and I'm used to having to buy bigger sizes, but I certainly don't need a bigger size for my coochie! 

Of course, I did as I was told and took the appropriate size. I had pretty much finished my period earlier that same day, but I decided to give it a try. I figure, I don't want to have to try to figure it out while on my period. I should figure it out before hand.

Here's the thing, when you fold it up to slide in, it's a little wider than a normal tampon. It did take a while to figure it all out. It took some working and maneuvering, but I finally got that sucker in. There was some shoving, wiggling, and spinning. (You gotta spin it around when it's inside to make sure you get the right suction). It took a while, but it eventually was in place. 

It's different for sure. It's a cup that stays open to catch all the fluid. So there's a certain "fullness" that you feel. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I was totally aware it was there. I actually felt like if I sneezed it would shoot out and knock someone out. I'm sure it wasn't going anywhere, but it was an interesting feeling. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm willing to give it a shot just for the sake of only having to clean it every 8-12 hours. Way better than every 2 hours with tampons and not to mention how they dry me out...I like to call it cotton mouth. Plus swimming, running, dancing, and all those cliche activities that you really want to do when you are on your period, are actually doable! 

It comes with a cute little cotton bag to carry it in. And the best part? It comes with a little lapel pin that says "Diva". So now you can recognize all the other ladies that use a coochie cup....great. I might just give that to my mom...she'll love it and will have no idea what it's from! 

I'll let you know how it goes...I'm curious myself! I almost can't wait for my next period...ok not really.