Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I'm not sure how many of you experience boob issues like I do. The major problem being their ability to hide stuff. Some of it is deliberate...some is not.

I think most women tend to utilize our bras for extra pocket space. I tend to put my chapstick in my bra if I don't have pockets. Many of us have used the bra to hold the phone, cash, cards, lipstick. The list goes on.

How many of you inadvertently hide stuff in your bra, only to find out about it when you take your bra off that night? That's absolutely me! I'm not sure if this can be attributed to having lots of cleavage, my tops being a little too low cut, or maybe I'm just a slob. Maybe it's the perfect combination of all of those things. Who knows. All I know, is that most of the time, when a remove the torture device bra at the end of the night...inevitably something that I came in contact with earlier that day falls out from the boobs. No not small children or animals. Mostly food product or maybe even an object.

Any time I eat popcorn, I will find at least three fully popped corn kernals in my boobs. I have found an M&M...this was a nice suprise. Bread crumbs are always itchy...this might attribute to my sandwich avoidance. Lettuce, chips, rice...if I've eaten that day, I'm sure there is a remnant in between the tits.

There have been those times when I find something odd. I once found a barrette between my boobs. The missing twist tie to the bread bag was once found in my cleavage. These strange objects inevitably reminds me of the time I was talking to my sister and she reached down and stuck her finger in her bellybutton only to find a plastic clothing tag in it. Where it even came from and how it got in her bellybutton was a mystery. What I wanted to really know, was how long this plastic tag had been there. Could it have been days? She hadn't bought any new clothes recently. It will always be the best mystery ever!

Tonight's find made me feel dangerous. I didn't actually notice the object until I got into bed and noticed that there was a piece of lint between Olga and Helga. As I reached down, I saw sonething else, a stick pin...a STICK PIN! Under my boob! How tough is that!

At least it makes sense. I have been sewing a dress and in trying it on, had lost said pin into my bra. I was lucky though, this could have been painful at any point while carrying it around, removing the brazier, or getting into bed. But no, it was held safely in my bosom. Thank god I found it before I fell asleep...that could have turned out bad. Maybe this should be a lesson... 


Even though I have most of my planting finished, I've been thinking of expanding my little farm this year. I've added brussel sprouts, onions, cucumbers, and doubled the amount of tomato plants from last year. Yes, I'm feeling very positive! Mario has installed the promised drip system that he started last year. Woo hoo! I'm very excited! It's been working nicely. The plants are happy and I am also...cause I'm not so good at the watering part. I get better every year but, this will help when we are out of town and when I'm forgetful.

Anyway, I only have so many planters. So, I've been on the lookout for a couple of good sized planters. Most are the wrong size or price and then Mario wants them to match...we'll see if that happens.

So today I wanted to hit a couple of stores to check out some prices. We decided to try a long shot and visit the local thrift store. We wanted to pick up some games for the restaurant and see if there was any chance that there were some cheap planters there. Of course there weren't any planters. That kind of stuff never makes it past the curb. However, we scored some other cool unnecessary things. Yes, we remembered and found some cool games. But we also found a really nice coffee maker for Mars. It's one of those coffee makers that makes your coffee and stores it. Then you just press your cup to the spigot and it pours your cup. Unnecessary, sure. Cheap and a little nicer than what we have... absolutely! Then there is the completely unnecessary purchase of the day. We found a really nice fish tank. I know, I know. Totally unneeded. But I miss having fish and hello it was uber cheap!

When I met Mario, I had a fish tank. I loved my fishes! After many years of having my fish, the last little guy passed away. Needing the space, we decided to give the tank away and put in a book case. We've talked about getting fish ever since. We just couldn't justify giving up that space again. However, the thrift store provides! We now have a mini version of our old tank! It's only a 2.5 gallon tank. Small enough to fit onto our  big bookshelf perfectly. It's like it was made for it! Cute...yes. Absolutely completely unnecessary...undeniably.

We eventually made it to all the garden centers on my list. Yes, all the planters are pretty much priced out the same. I just need to buck up and buy one that fits best. I might consider checking other thrift shops, but I really don't need to come home with more unnecessary shit.

However, I did come home with something else I didn't expect. Lessons. I learned that the people who visit thrift shops during the week are hardcore. Stay out of their way! They look through that shit with speed and a discerning eye. I saw people walking around with some really nice things, that I'm sure they worked really hard to find. And after being pushed around a bit, I know not to mess with them. Also, I learned that when the thrift store workers take a break, they go sit on the couches and oogle the thrift store patrons. If you happen to be cute enough, they will even make kissy faces at you. Apparently I am cute enough.

Thrift stores = cheap unnecessary goods and nice for a good quick boost to the self esteem.

Friday, April 22, 2011

See I can be a good influence!

This morning I got a call from my friend. She was standing in the bathroom getting ready for the day. As she was putting her hair up in a ponytail. Her oldest son, Joey, came into the bathroom. He stood next to her and started making faces in the mirror. Then he opened his mouth looked inside.

Joey  "I can see my uvula"
Katie stared open mouthed "Where did you learn that?"
Joey "Auntie Laura told me"

And my heart swells with pride.

Joey and I had this conversation a month ago. How he remembered this today is amazing. He has a memory like a steel trap. I love it! I also had hoped that this little random bit of info would tumble out at the most random time and it totally did.

Now I have to come up with another pointless word to introduce into his vocabulary....any suggestions?

Of course then I tell him to do things like this.

Where do they go?

Well, where did the spider that was previously in my shower go? This is the big question in my house still. Well, this is the question in my head. I'm afraid if I ask Mario one more time, he'll have me committed.

Let's go back a little. Sunday and Monday were spent working on my little veggie garden and Mario setting up the oh-so-awesome watering system up for my precious baby tomatoes. Working out in the backyard, I noticed there were a number of spiders. A few more than usual. I suppose it's that time of year. I dealt with it though.

That is until Tuesday morning when I walked into the bathroom to take a shower. There was a fat spider hanging out in it. So, at that point I took the best option. Screw showering. I brushed my teeth and hair and went and got dressed.

Of course, I walked out and informed Mario that there was a fat spider in the shower that required his attention. I decided this guy was a good one for Mario to take care of...he was contained in the shower after all. Less chance of the usual dancing around and loosing him.

Through out the day, as I went into the bathroom, I kept an eye on him. Yes, I had hoped that Mario would go in immediately and take care of the Fatty in the shower. Unfortunately, Mario has a totally different schedule than I do. Knowing that he was contained, I did give him until I needed to take a shower that night. I still reminded him about Fatty every time I came out of the bathroom though. I didn't want him forgetting for one minute about that stinking spider.

By that evening though, Mario still hadn't taken care of Fatty. Trying not to sound like a nag or annoying, however I'm sure failing miserably, I reminded Mario one more time about our resident.

Me "Babe, don't forget about the spider"
Mario "What are you talking about"
Me "Are you kidding me? I've told you about the spider in the shower no less than five times already"
Mario "You did?"
Me "Are we already to that point in our marriage that you have completely stopped hearing a thing I say? That really didn't take long"
Mario "No, I swear you didn't tell me"

Now we know this is a lie...this is a spider we are talking about after all. I will never forget to mention a spider. This is just proof that the man has learned how to tune me completely out. Jerk.

Me "Well, there is a fat spider in the shower that needs to be extinguished. I skipped my shower this morning because he looked at me funny"
Mario "Ok Sweets, I'll go get him" He walks off all pumped up and ready for the kill.

Then walks right back in the living room.

Mario "He's not in there"
Me "Yes he is. He's been in there all day"
Mario "Well, I don't see him"
Me "Can you please go move all the bottles and check around them."

Mario goes back into the bathroom and I hear the obligatory bottle rattling and shifting. Then he comes back out and sits back down at his computer to work.

Me "Um, get him?"
Mario "No, he's just gone. He must have just left."
Me "Babe, spiders don't just leave. He wasn't just visiting. They don't just go home. Besides, he's been stuck in the shower all day long. I don't see how he could all of a sudden learn the trick to getting out of the shower"
Mario "Well, he's not there now. So, don't worry about it"
Me "No, now I really have to worry about it. He could be anywhere in our house. He could be cruising around watching us right now"
Mario "I'm sure he just went back outside. It's ok. You can go take your shower now."
Me "Don't think so. This guy didn't hang out in our shower all day and then decide it was time to go back outside honey. What's the likelihood of him even finding the window again? That is a small window in a big room to that spider. Maybe he went down the drain? Cause I will turn the water on and blast it down the drain to make sure he's gone."
Mario "Yeah, I'm sure he went down the drain"

I'm sure he'd say anything to get me to shut up at this point. Of course, I went to check out the shower myself. I hosed down the whole shower and then took a very fast, very-aware-of-my-surroundings-shower. I don't think I closed my eyes at all for fear of Fatty sneaking up on me. "Surprise! You thought I was gone, didn't you! Ha Ha!"

I know it's been three days, but I still have my eyes peeled. He went somewhere. I want to know where. I just don't think spiders go home. I feel like I'll see Fatty again sometime...hopefully it will be when I flush that little bastard down the drain.

Monday, April 04, 2011

Going to Buffalo

This weekend was a productive and lazy one. For the most part I was in photo editing purgatory. My ass was on the couch all weekend, with my computer on my lap. Door wide open and a beautiful breeze blowing through. One of my favorite parts of spring. There were really only two things on my list of things to do this weekend, work on the images from my Thursday shoot and go grocery shopping.

To say that we were low on food is an understatement. Lucky for us, we got our veggie delivery on Friday. It kept us going until we got our butts to the store. We actually forgot it was coming until Mario tripped on the box walking out the front door. Except for those veggies, our house was empty. Even the cats only had one can of food left. We were out of toilet paper, toothpaste, condiments, and milk. How we ran out of everything at once, I'm not sure. However, when we got to last of the paper on the only remaining roll of toilet paper, I knew it was time to stop editing and start shopping.

We headed out to the local smart and final. Scored 99% of what we needed. However, as we pulled away, we realized we didn't get the most important food. We would face hell on earth if we didn't stop somewhere and pick some food up.

To solve the cat problem, we ended up stopping at Mario's favorite little market for cat food. It's a tiny store with the wickedest meat and deli counter....and an even better BBQ on the weekends. Mario used to basically live there when he worked across the street. I'm sure they miss him...and his daily lunch and dinner orders.

We walked in and first secured the cat food and decided to head to the back to see what they had cooking. Of course they recognized Mario and asked where he'd been. We checked out all of their stuff. I can't tell you how beautiful their meats are. While the chef showed off the cooked stuff, I checked out the steaks and other wondrous meats in the case. Then out of the corner of my ear, I heard him say buffalo ribs. Um, yes please. Spicy sauce coating some pork ribs. So, we ordered a few. Good thing I had been so good for my other two meals, cause dinner is gonna be down and dirty!

As he wrapped up the ribs, I continued looking around. Ooh look at that roast. Oh wow they sell buffalo steaks here...interesting. Might skip that. Oh look at the thick cut bacon and salami! So much stuff I missed out on when I didn't eat meat. So much to make up for! Mario finished up with his BFF and we checked out  and headed home.

We unloaded our groceries and absolutely attacked the ribs! Now, it wasn't until I was half way through with my first rib that it occurred to me that my rib was not spicy at all. Why are my buffalo ribs not spicy? Hey wait a minute...Oh! These are actual buffalo ribs! No wonder they looked a little different and tasted a little gamy. Oh they were good, but just not the spicy buffalo ribs I was expecting. I felt a little more like a doofus when it occurred to me that I actually looked at the buffalo steaks and still it hadn't occurred to me even then, that these were not spicy buffalo sauce pork ribs. Bone head!

I do approve though. They were very good. I like them better than beef ribs actually. Bob absolutely approved. The cat who does not eat out of our hand, was attacking me for that buffalo meat. It occurred to me that this is not even something he would have encountered in the wild by any means. However, now that he's gotten that sweet taste of buffalo, I think he's addicted. I can just picture Bob trying to take out a buffalo. He doesn't have any sly stalking moves or any real hunting skills at all...but he sure can kill a bathroom rug like nobody's business.

The last of the weekend faded blissfully away. Bellies full and me back in editing hell. I miss winter already but  but can not get enough of that evening spring breeze!

Saturday, April 02, 2011


Twice. Twice yesterday I was complimented on my weight loss. Two different people told me I was looking like I lost weight. My response? "Oh good, cause I feel like a cow today!"

Of course, now I keep thinking, why didn't I just say "Thanks!" It's simple. Take the compliment. Say Thank you. 

But no, I did feel like a cow yesterday, and I said so. However, maybe other people don't want to know this. 

Friday, April 01, 2011

The Longest Hour of My Life, Deserve the Longest Blog of My Life

When I am sick, I want nothing more than to hide under blankets, sleep, throw a pity party, and sleep some more. However, that wasn't happening this time. On this day, I had mister "un-fix-it" man walking around here acting all nice and then making a mess...and then one of Mario's buddies showed up to say hi. 

Remember Mario's friend Mister shakes my hand and then goes in for the awkward hug and ends with the big sloppy kiss on the cheek? Well, he decided to stop by and say hi to Mario. Unfortunately, Mario had gotten this last minute job and had only left minutes earlier. I can't do the "he's not here, bye!" even if I wanted to. So, I was proper and invited him in. 

When you go to someone's house to visit and your friend isn't there, how long do you stay for? Let me give you a little more to chew on. I am good friends with some of Mario's friends. Some of his friends I can hang out with, go to lunch with, and talk with no problem. I don't know all that well though and he talks about  really off stuff. Mario has a lot more patience for him than I do. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike him, I just can only handle him in small doses. 

I invited him in thinking he'd say hi, then hearing Mario was at work, he'd say he had to take off. Nope. He stayed for half an hour. It was pleasant enough, but whole time I was thinking "man I just want to sleep and cough and blow my nose in peace and quiet, so would you just leave already!". Then mister un-fix-it came out and said something about paint drying and he'd be back in an hour. I figured Friend would take this opportunity to leave, seeing I looked miserable (I was totally working the miserable look). 

But he didn't. No, he just pushed the pillows on the couch around and made himself more comfortable! NOOO dammit! He kept talking. By the one hour mark, I was in disbelief. Why was he staying? I wasn't the most enthusiastic person to talk to. I was hopped up on meds...thank god or I wouldn't have made it honestly.

Then at the hour and a half mark, mister un-fix-it man came back to put on another coat of paint. At this point I came out of my stupor and finally realized that Friend was still talking about god knows what and I was stuck! How was he still here? What was keeping him here! How do I get him to leave?

Luckily, mister un-fix-it came out again to ask if I wanted to take a look at his work. I flew off the couch! I was gonna look at that bathroom and let my ears take a break! I took every opportunity to take as much time as I could. I pointed out paint drops and this and that and oh that's a cool tool...what is it? oh a hammer...we actually have one of those...please don't make me go back out there and make conversation!

Alas, the bathroom is small and mister un-fix-it was hinting that I should leave, so he could finish making a mess and leave. I hung my head and moped my way back to the couch. I was clear headed enough to grab my phone though. If Friend didn't leave soon, I was going to start sending out Sos messages!

I sat back down on the couch and pulled my blanket up to my chin. Hoping that I would look pathetic enough to get my point across. Nope. He was settled in his cozy spot on the couch and now had my cat cuddling on him...traitor.

Hour two rolled painfully around and mister un-fix-it decided he was finished...was he really finished, no, but he was my only hope of a break from all the talking and I didn't want him to leave. I started feeling desperate. I sent Mario a message "Friend showed up 20 minutes after you left and won't leave! He just keeps talking!...zzzz" His response "sorry babe"...that's it. Jerk. Where was my rescue! His friend has been sitting on our couch for two hours!

Hour three was a blur. There was talk of bikes, his sister the biologist, neuroplasticity (I'm proud to say this was me. I thought if I used big words he'd didn't work so I shut back up and let him talk), conversation then moved on to a pain relief machine, giving up his office so his kids didn't have to share a room, man they fight, then computer talk, laptop talk, megabytes, gigabytes, japan, more bikes, neighbors thought about sending another SOS but I had started giving up. How had he been here for three hours! I have never done this! (Well, except last friday when I went out to lunch with friends and then made ourselves at home at our friend's house until something like 9pm. But that's different because her mom was cooking, and we were watching tv, and it was relaxing, and we told her to let us know when we  needed to leave...see it's different right?)

There was, however, a ray of sunshine at one point. Friend's phone rang. I love you who ever you were that called! It sounded important. He got up and went outside for privacy. I jumped up and did a happy dance! Woo Hoo!

Then he came back in and sat back down. I very nearly cried. But he was already talking about how he should be at a meeting for the teaching position he would be starting soon. He was talking about computer programs he needed to learn. more computer talk. Basketball talk. My medicine was wearing off now. I really needed to blow my nose...he's been talking for over three hours! Who cares. I let out a big honking nose blow. He was polite enough to pause so I wouldn't miss any of his conversation. How nice.

And then he continued on! And talked through to hour four! Four hours! He ended on a high note though. He encouraged me to look up the area 731 or 734 Japan torture wonderful, I think I will. Then he promptly got up and said he needed to pick up the kids from school. Well, don't let me keep you sir...don't want the kids waiting around. Then he moved like he was gonna do the awkward handshake sloppy kiss and paused..."well, I'd give you a hug but you look like you are coming down with something. You might want to catch a nap" Then he was gone...are you f'ing kidding me! Yes, I need a damn nap!

I didn't let it get to me too much though...because finally every one was gone! I sat in the quiet for a few minutes before I sent one last message to Mario letting him know how long his friend had been here. 

Me -"Four hours!!!! He was here for four hours!!! He finally left!"
Mario - "I'm sorry to hear that baby. That sounds excruciating!"
Me - "You have no idea"
Mario - "Well, that might have been my fault. I told him to stop by and say hi. Then I got the call for the job and forgot to tell him. Sorry babes"

Are you kidding me!! He's gonna pay for this! I haven't figured out how...but mark my words, I will get back at him...after my nap...