Sunday, April 24, 2016

Rolling up on 40 years

I'm not sure when it happened...but I'm almost 40 years old. I don't feel 40. I don't think I look 40. I sure as shit don't act 40. How does that just happen?I think I'm actually handling it better than I did turning 30. However, I've made plans to ensure that I have a good birthday and don't spend my time crying.

First, I decided I wanted to do something with my family. After much searching online for unusual things to do like camp in yurts, stay in kitchy mobile home and rent a cabin was finally decided to just take the drunk cruise with the fam. I wasn't particularly excited to go on the same cruise for the third year in a row, however, I haven't been with my mom and sister. I went with my sister about 10 years ago. I haven't gone with my mother or brother in law...and I certainly haven't gone with a toddler in tow. So hopefully this will make it new and exciting. I wasn't excited to go on this cruise as a memorable 40th birthday, but I love how excited my mom is and I'm really starting to get into the idea.

I've also decided to go with a birthday party. And I mean all out. I love sharks, so I'm planning a shark themed birthday party. I've already picked out all the decor. Mario decided we should cater this great mexican restaurant. Then we'll throw a movie up on the wall of the house and watch some seriously cheesy shark movie. I'm more than excited about this! I'm also very close to hiring a mariachi band to play for a bit. It all works with the theme of the shark movie.

The movie is supposedly set in Mexico. However to save money, it was filmed in Czechoslovakia or some place like that. They threw some mexican flags up and called it a day. So I'm going with it...mexican flags and all!

I might be a little more excited about the party than the cruise...but I'm so happy! It's the best way to bring on the big 40! My sister already told me that she wants to bail on the cruise and just hit the party...I don't blame her.

I think just to round out the month, I might plan something else...we'll just have to see!

Friday, April 22, 2016

Oh the Wait

Today Mario and I left Joy with the babysitter and headed to family court for the first time since becoming foster parents. We wanted to show our faces to the judge, so she would know that we are serious about our want to adopt this kiddo.

We packed for a long wait. Books, snack, phones charged. We got there just when we were supposed to. Of course I was pulled out at security because I had scissors in my purse and my pokey self defense key chain. While I walked my contraband back to the car, Mario checked in.

When I got back, I found out we were waiting for the list of hearings to find out where we needed to go. After about 45 minutes, the list came out and Mario got in line. After what seemed like a very long time, I got up to see where he was and found him just walking up to the desk. Long story short, She was listed under a incorrect last name. After a long search and lots of double checking birthdays and hearing numbers...we were on our way upstairs. The whole time Mario kept saying "I hope we didn't miss the hearing. We were stuck down there for so long"

Upstairs we got off the elevator to the holding pen. It was a huge room with tons of families waiting around for their time in the court room. Some seemed to know the drill well and brought games and activities for the kids. Some families were quiet. Some families were just enjoying the visit with their kids. It was nice and strange all at the same time.

Around this big "L" shaped room on outside part of the L were a bunch of smaller rooms where the trials were held. There were layer types walking in and out of rooms and into other rooms. Randomly a bailiff would walk out and call a name. Some of the lawyers would call out names and others were just hanging out waiting for their time in the courtroom.

We waited around awkwardly not sure what to be doing. We were told to check in with the bailiff, however, we didn't see our bailiff for a long time. After the name mix up downstairs, I was texting with Joy's social worker, trying to make sure we had the correct name and also throwing in a last minute request to take Joy on a cruise in June for my birthday.

Now I needed to find her attorney among the waves of people coming in and out of the court rooms. I asked a few people to no avail. Finally, finally! Around 11am I saw our bailiff come out. I ran up to him to check in...and found out that her trial had been first thing in the morning. Mario had been right...we missed it. I was so bummed!!

I really wanted to be able to show the judge that we were there and serious. This court hearing was for TPR. Termination of Parental Rights. If they granted the request for TPR, this will open up Joy for adoption. After a year of fostering, we are skeptical and hesitant about things. This is a big step for Joy and us. We wanted everything to go well...missing the hearing was not part of the plan!

Luckily the bailiff was just so nice. First he asked where the heck we had been...we explained sitting out there waiting to see him and also stuck downstairs with a name mix up. He went back in the court to find out the outcome of the hearing and to hopefully find Joy's attorney. The attorney was gone already. However, he kindly told us (after asking us if we were wanting to adopt Joy) that TPR had been granted and that meant that she was now free for adoption.

Cue the crying! I cried walking to the elevator, I cried walking to the car, I cried driving to our celebratory lunch, I cried texting my family and calling our social worker to find out what is next.

We came home and spent the rest of the day enjoying Joy. Excited about the prospect of adopting the awesome little girl and a little sad for her family. This is a learning process and journey I hadn't thought we'd be going on...but I love it and know it's what we are supposed to be doing.

Monday, April 18, 2016

My Space

It all starts with a garden. My sister in law has talked about putting in a veggie garden for a when she bought her house 4 years ago. I know I've mentioned this before. Where she is a dreamer, I am more of a do-er. We discuss veggie garden and I go out and buy the plants. She keeps thinking about it, until someone else takes the lead.

A month ago we talked out the logistics. Two 4ft x 6 ft beds. No you don't need 2 foot high beds...that's a LOT of dirt to come up with. I know what veggies I would want to put in...all my usual stuff. Tomatoes, zucchini, lettuce, onions, herbs, all the good stuff! However, being this is my SIL's backyard, I asked what she would want planted. I secretly was very curious because...well, my SIL doesn't really eat vegetables. So, I can only imagine whatever she plants would just be for looks.

I thought we were all figured out. I was just waiting for her to get started on her raised bed project. I mean she has been talking about this for years, now you have help...lets do this! But there was no action.

She's definitely one of those people that will come up with lots of ideas...but there's no follow through. Though she would never admit it, she's the type of person who wants someone with her holding her hand to get things done. Just moving in, we had to push her to get stuff moved, hidden, garage sale-d, donated, etc. We moved in a month later than planed because of lack of motivation. Like I said raised beds have been talked about since she bought this house.

Cut to last week, I had a baby sitter for Friday and no shoots on the books. And as much as I am completely against being an enabler, I had decided to get those beds in! I had planned all week to finally buy the makings. Thursday, I'd buy the lumber. Friday, I'd build and start getting the dirt in. I was excited. I'm dying to get a garden going! There's space and it'd be great for the kid to help...and veggies!

However, I had decided I wasn't going to tell the SIL. I was just going to do it and make it my little project and then she could see it on the weekend when she went outside. I think this was my way of not being an enabler, if it's my project then I'm not doing it for her. Plus, I would be going with what she had planned about as far as size and placement went, so I wouldn't be over stepping any lines.

Just before I headed over to buy the lumber, I decided to ask the mister one last time if he was ok with this. All week, he had seemed cool with it. So, I'm not really sure why I asked. However, now he really seemed hesitant. He thought we should tell her. So, I told him to send her a quick message letting her know that I was buying the stuff.

That's when it all went sideways. Mario was really busy and knew this would start a long line of questioning...and boy did it! I am irritated because I know this is the only way these beds will get in. And the SIL is asking a million questions about types of wood, size and locations and a million other questions. I told him to tell her never mind. That's when I completely lost my mind for an hour.

I'm tired of being in someone else's home, using there stuff, asking for permission, following other people's rules. The only space that is mostly ours is our bedroom and it's hard for two grown adults to live in one small space and work out of that space. So, I know it all boils down to needing my own little space. I need a spot that I can make my own decisions about. I don't want to have to ask what type of plants I can put in. I don't want to be looked at and silently judged on how I am doing something. I just want to put in some goddamn veggies without any problems. I feel so trapped right now.

So, I'm looking for a community garden spot. Of course there are waiting lists for any local gardens. However, the thought of having that spot for amazing! The thought makes me happy and hopeful. We might be out of here before I get that little plot of land, but I'll still give it a shot! Here's to a little freedom!

Tuesday, April 05, 2016


Life has been pretty quiet lately. My work has been quiet the last two or three weeks. I think that's due to spring break. This week is definitely picking up...thankfully! Shoots are on the books, so I can relax a bit.

Mario has been working hard...a few late nights. Which is fine when it's sushi night! There was a week or two in there that we didn't see him much.

This kidlet is just doing her thing...being cute. She's also learning a lot of new things lately. She's been signing some words that she can't quite say yet, like please and "all done". It's pretty cute to see her getting excited to use communication that we all know. A lot less frustration for all of us. She's just been taking off with her learning!

Of course true to toddler form, she's also pushing limits and being a sass pants...but she's good at it! I see her lean back on the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table and I see a teenager! the thought scares me, but I'm glad she's so relaxed with us and feeling comfortable.

Her next court date is in a few weeks and we should get a better idea of how long she'll be with us. No one wants to see her go and her social worker and adoption worker would love to see us adopt. However, we've been in this fostering long enough to know nothing is set in stone. It's completely up to the judge. They will always place with family first. So, while we'd love to adopt her one day...we'll get excited when we are signing the papers! You know...expect the worst, hope for the best.

That's mostly it for us. Mario and I have taken on a new little project, that's under wraps for now. We're having fun though. No not baby making...we are happy with our fostering journey. This is fun stuff. One day we'll tell people...for now, under wraps. I know...vague and annoying.

Other than's work and some relaxing. I'm ok with that. That means we are getting to spend our time enjoying the kid!