Monday, June 27, 2011

Good things to know...

1. If you park too close to me, I will totally use your bumper to feel my way out of a parking spot...that's what they're for right?

2. I've learned that if a new card game is awesome enough, I'm willing to put up with full thumb cramps as long as everyone else wants to keep playing said game. I've also learned that if my husband thinks this game is awesome also, he's totally ok with me moving my wedding ring to another finger so I don't get a blister from shuffling cards. This game is really awesome ok!

3. I learned yesterday that just because a bug spray says it's organic and safe to use on the day of vegetable harvesting, doesn't mean it won't make the roof of your mouth go numb. A quick rinse won't cut it...make sure you wash those tomatoes really really really well before you pop those babies in your mouth no matter how desperate you are to try the first tomatoes of the season! Lesson learned!

4. I'm obsessed with a new television show..."My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding"...OBSESSED! I can't tell you how fascinating this show is. First of all, who knew gypsy's(really known as Travelers) really existed. Second, gaudy dresses and scandalous outfits meets strict moral codes. These girls are pretty much groomed to be homemakers. Somewhere between 16 and 20 years old they marry. Their job is to take care of their man and home. Girls are not allowed to go out alone. They are usually with a friend or family. After they are married, they aren't supposed to go out without their husband. No premarital sex at all. Reputations are so so important. So they don't put themselves into situations that might lead to questioning. Hence, the not going places alone. But then there is the men. When girls and guys are alone, girls are not allowed to go up and talk to guys. They guys however are they ones to start conversations and they also do "grabbing". The guys grab a girl and try to get a kiss from them...(ok this isn't so different over here) but they tend to get a bit forceful. It almost looks like kidnapping. It's all very interesting. The girls compete to wear the biggest and best dresses. I think I remember hearing something about the more bleeds you have, the better the dress. wow. I can't get enough. That's why I watched uncountable hours of this show today. I took a nap to it. I woke up to it. I can't wait for the season finale of it. I hope there is a season two.

5. After my Gypsy show ended, I was faced with emptiness. What could I possibly watch that would be as good as my Gypsies? Well, then the heavens delivered. Ice-T loves Coco! I have been waiting to watch this since I heard about it. Ice-T id cool and cute. Coco is who I want to know about. She's actually really pretty. They are sweet together. It's her butt I'm interested in though. She's a curvy girl for sure. She's got junk in her trunk. The butt is perfect, it just looks like it's been enlarged and attached to her. She caught my attention with her weekly photos of her butt on twitter...the girl can balance a glass on her tush while remaining upright! It's a special talent really. However, the show actually focuses on how cute, loving and supportive they are. Turns out there is a very sweet, smart, fun girl behind the butt. I'll probably end up watching it with or without the butt. They've won me over.

6. I just went out to move my car. I was parked in the alley and tomorrow is garbage day. That is asking for a ticket! I initially parked in the alley because no one seemed to be able to park correctly on the street. Two cars were taking up four parking spots on one side of the street. Three cars were taking up five spots on another part of the street. When I went to move my car out onto the street, I was hoping that some of these jerkfaces had figured out how to park. Not only had they not learned how to park, but now there were 20 or so garbage cans added to the mess. I knew I was going to end up parking a block over. I carefully backed down the alleyway and just as I entered onto the street, I paused and saw that one car had figured it out! They had backed in and opened up a space in front! Woo hoo! So, I punched it a bit to finish backing out of the alley. Didn't want to loose that spot! Then a heard a crash...and a secondary crash. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a car...far back and no where near my car. I pulled forward a bit and then saw my kill in the mirror...garbage cans. Shit. What a dork. I have to admit though, it felt good. Very good. So, when I pulled into the spot I had my eye on, I really really wanted to take out the four cans in front of me. I resisted of course. I am happy I resisted too....cause I had to go pick up the cans I knocked over and clean up the mess I made. Thank god they were recycling was just newspapers. Although the cans were heavy and I might have dropped them a few more times before I got them upright...another lesson learned. Not only should I be watching Coco's ass, I need to watch my own a little better.

Friday, June 24, 2011

It's amazing what a girl can get finished at 2 in the morning...

Mario has been back at work the last few weeks. Yay! So, we've been getting used to the long hours again. Being the only clean up guy for this show right now, he's been working late a lot. Coming home at 3am most nights.

Knowing that I really don't sleep well when he's not in bed with me (and because I still have not learnedto not read scary books before going to sleep), I've just decided to wait for him to get home to go to bed. That way, I get to hang out with him for a bit and then just go to bed with him. I know it's sappy. However, as it turns out, I've been able to utilize that time and can get a lot of shit finished between midnight and 3am!

-I can make a wicked dinner. Turkey meat loaf with rosemary smashed potatoes and herb sour cream sauce.

-Throw a load of laundry in the washer.

-clean the bathroom

-go through the mail from the week.

-oooh coupons.

-cook up some chicken for Mario's lunch.

-pack breakfast and lunch for Mario

- make lemon squares.

-change laundry over. put in new load.

-put laundry away from last weekend. put tonight's laundry away.

-oh, I need to transplant those zucchini plants to the new planters. sure, there's enough light in the backyard for gardening at 2am.

-my hands are already dirty, might as well plant some more stuff.

-wash my hands and decide to wash a few dishes.

-play life sucking game Gardens of Time on the computer.

- attack Mario when he comes to the door.

-pass out and have the hardest time waking up at any decent hour the next morning.

I have always been a night person. It's just amazing how much you really can get finished when you're in the groove. Seriously, I would never get this much finished before noon. I've always called bullshit when people say they are more creative at certain times, however, I might now be a believer!

The only problem is sleeping in. Sure, as long as I don't have a shoot, it's fine. However, getting up early on the weekend to go to work is a bitch. I'm sure Mario's schedule will even out more (I'm totally lying to myself here) or more likely I will learn to sleep without Mario again...and I'll also learn to not read scary books before bed...hopefully...probably not.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


You know that guilty feeling you get when you are being followed by a police car? You've done nothing wrong, broken no laws, don't have any warrants out for your arrest, but still you feel guilty. As I've grown older, calmed down, and become a better driver, I've learned that it's not necessary to feel guilty. It's a waste of adrenaline really and most of the time I'm driving mostly legal. Not much to worry about when you drive like a grandma.

However, today I discovered a place that illicits the guilt in me. Guilt and paranoia. I suppose it's the cameras...there are a ton of cameras in every corner pointed at every angle watching your every move.

The bank. I will take the drive up window and the ATM over going inside any day of the week. It's not a lazy thing. It's that feeling of being watched. Who are they looking for? Bank Robbers. So what do I worry about...looking like a bank robber. Yeah. Stupid, I know. I'm sure I'm not giving off the bank robber energy. But then I see all the cameras...then I tense up...then I think "oh shit, relax or you'll look guilty"...then I try to relax and look nonchalant...which probably makes me look more guilty. It's a lame and vicious circle.

The thing is, I'm sure I'm not the only person standing there thinking this. So all us dorks are standing there kinda looking at each other, pretending to be cool...and looking guilty and tense...and kind of wondering if the other person in line actually is a bank robber.

So yesterday, I finished up my deposit and started to walk towards the door. I  passed in front of everyone in line without incident. However, as I walked past the seating area, there was an older gentleman seated. He was very handsome and very cool looking. Nice suit, sunglasses, arm up on the seat back next to him, legs crossed and so at ease in front of all those cameras(unlike me). He honestly reminded me of "The Most Interesting Man in the World" from the beer commercial, he was that cool. I couldn't see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but I felt him watching me(he could have been asleep for all I know).

That's when it kicked in...oh god I hope my zipper isn't down! Why does it feel like my zipper is down? Then the Oh-god-if-I-reach-down-and-check-my-zipper-then-I'll-look-like-I'm-Checking-to-see-if-my-zipper-is-down. So what's worse, your zipper possibly being down but pretending not to notice until you get to your car and can check...or to put your hand down in the crotch-ular area to check if your zipper is down and it's not, but you still look like a dork for checking?

I decided to not check. I straightened my back and decided to own it. If the barn door is open, then it's open. I'm not going to feel on myself just to find out that my zipper is in fact up. Because a girl checking her fly on the way out of the bank is so classy!

Maybe it's the cameras. Maybe it's all those shifty eyes. More likely I'm just a self-conscious dork that has far too many random embarrassing accidents. Either way I feel guiltier than a whore in church...I'll still to the ATMs.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Triple Check!

After a month of passive aggressive hinting to a new client, I finally had to lay down the law.

Every Monday for the last month, I have been sending my invoice to my client. Every Monday. No major notes. Just a nice Monday morning reminder. I'm trying to be fair. He is a new client. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he didn't read the terms of the invoice and notice that he has only a week to pay me. But I send the invoice every Monday hoping that on one of those days he'll say "You know what, I'm going to just send this payment off today. Get this bad boy paid off!" He didn't. He said he did, said he would...but he didn't.

So, I have to resort to the email. The threat email.The email that says, if you don't pay, I'm shutting you down buddy! I kindly let them know that if I don't receive payment by ** date, that I will shut down their virtual tour and/or website. Personally I think the threat is a half ass threat. They already have all the photos and virtual tour. I'm just threatening to take the tour offline. They still have the photos! Thank god they don't think to much about it and the threat actually works though. So far, this threat has worked every time. The thought of being offline usually lights a nice fire under their butt. Probably because their clients check the tours all the time. I'm sure the thought of having to explain their client that the reason the tour isn't working is because they forgot to pay the photographer.

I do have a next step in my collection process just in case. Luckily I haven't had to use it. Next, the embarrassing threat email goes out. If you don't pay me stat, I will send an invoice to your client for payment. Try to explain to your client why you didn't pay your bill and they now have to pay for your marketing. Bad news.

So today, threat email went out. Only one problem...I  swear I checked the email. I double checked, because I remember thinking "Don't send it to the wrong Todd, you'll look like a dumbass and then he'll see that your clients don't pay on time". Sure as shit, I sent it to my old boss, Todd, instead of my client.

Boss "Did you mean to send this to me?"

Me "Yes, you're busted. I'm sure you owe me from an old shoot from 7 years ago. Yeah sorry, I sent this email to the wrong Todd. However, you can pay the invoice if you feel so inclined. I don't care who pays the invoice as long as the payee is named Todd. Hope all is well. Have a great weekend!"

Boss "Thanks, you the way, you are way to nice on your collections. You need to be meaner."

Great. He's still bossing me around 7 years after I quit. Actually Mario had said the exact same thing two minutes before. So, I feel like a dumbass and a doofus. I know I'm too nice, but the threat email works. I feel like I have to be a sugary sweet asshole while threatening them...cause I want them to hire me again. Right?  I'll just make sure to have him pay before I give him the photos. After 5 years doing this, I'm still learning how to be a business owner...and to read who the hell I'm emailing!

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Work, Veg, Blogs, and Shark Attacks

1)So, all this talk of breaking up with the restaurant and I end up working part time there. Why the hell do I keep getting into this situation? They needed someone they trust to run the register on the weekends and I wanted to pick up part time work. I'm really not sure how long this will go on, but for now, it's easy work. Despite how frustrated I get with the owner of the restaurant, I still want to see the restaurant do well. Oh well. I just keep telling myself it's temporary, it's temporary...

2)Mario doesn't stay still while he sleeps. He shakes his legs, rocks, sits up, rocks, and rolls. It took me forever to get used to it. I can sleep through most anything now...well with the exception of freaking myself out with scary shows, books, or gang member neighbors. As far as Mario's crazy sleeping goes, I probably have slept through some good earthquakes and never knew because Mario was rocking the bed more than the quake was.

The other night was bad though. He was kicking around, swimming, and moving all over the place. The cat kept moving closer to me, so he wouldn't get kicked. I kept moving closer to the edge of the bed to keep clear of the swimming. Finally the cat got up and went into the other room, and I was left to fend for myself. I pushed him back to his side of the bed. I pinned one of his legs down with my legs. I finally fell asleep. The next morning Mario woke up refreshed. I was still exhausted. When Mario asked why I was so tired, I responded with "Babe you sleep like a shark attack victim...swimming and thrashing around. The cat took off early and I just tried to fend for myself". He fell over laughing at the thought of him being a shark attack victim, but honestly it's the best way I've found to describe it.

3)Our garden is out of control! I am so happy. We pretty much go outside after work and see how much it's grown every night. Mario hooked up the mister system and I have the happiest plants out in the backyard! The tomatoes are growing out of control. Lots of green tomaters all over the place...I can't wait for them to ripen! I'm also excited for the things that I have tried to grow in the past that didn't work out...however, they are totally growing this year. Cucumbers! I have lots of little cucumbers! Rocket...I couldn't get one leaf to grow last year...I have a whole crop this year...ok, a relatively small planter but it's producing a pretty good amount. Rosemary, parsley, basil, brussel sprouts, peppers...I am so excited to start pulling more veggies. I've been cutting herbs and the rocket and it makes me so happy. Just gotta keep it all growing! we've been lucky to have a pretty mild spring and summer so far. I keep waiting for the hard heat to hit and take me down a notch as a gardener. Until then, I'm going to keep enjoying what I have growing!

4)I have a couple of folders of blogs that I read. Split into subjects...kinda. I certainly have my favorites that I take a look at every day. I have some that I just click through every once in a while. I have been reading about blogs petering out. Their popularity is slipping. A favorite blogger of mine mentioned this not too long ago. She's one of those bloggers that has hundreds of comments a day. The actual number of visitors to her blog are much higher. She said she sees the number slipping and the comments are even fewer. She knows there will be an end to blogging, like anything else. There will always be blogs around, they just won't be the numbers there originally were. 

Despite this fact, I still get irritated when my favorite blog hasn't posted a new blog in a few weeks. I fight the urge to send a comment telling them to get their arse in gear and write a post! Then I think, ah shit, I haven't posted in a get your arse in gear and post you hypocrite! 

I know that blogs are loosing their sparkle but I still love writing blogs. I love telling the stories about the dumb shit I do.