Monday, September 20, 2010

Two Mysteries Come Together...

Mario's work is so close to home, that he tends to walk to work most of the time. So, his car doesn't get used very often. Sadly it spends most of it's time in the garage. Last month we decided that we should start driving it a little more.

So we decided to take it to dinner a few weeks back. I hoped in and said "woah! Smells like leftovers in here. Did you leave lunch in here today"
Mario -"I know, it's making crazy, it's smelled like sausage in here for over a week"
Me - "Did you check under the seats?"
Mario - "I've checked every where. This car is completely empty. Even the trunk is empty"
Me -"Maybe there is a squirrel in the engine"

After a while you get used to it, but it's not a good car smell. It's pungent. And honestly, whatever is causing that smell can only really get worse over time.

This weekend, Mario came in the house looking very happy, if not relieved. "I found out what was causing the smell in my car!"
me - "What was it?"
Mario - "A huge bag of peeled garlic! Way up under the seat! I don't know where the hell it came from"
Me - "I knew we bought garlic! I knew we weren't crazy. hahahaha!"

Of course he was looking at me like I was crazy...until a look of recognition came over Mario's face...mid August, we had one of our picnics with friends. The night before, Mario and I had gone shopping(in his car). When we got home and unloaded the groceries, I couldn't find the garlic for the life of me. "I thought I grabbed it. Or did you grab it when I went for the onions?" neither of us could quite remember. It was a complete mystery! And it was completely annoying because we both remember discussing garlic and having garlic in the cart...but where the hell were they now!

Well now we know! I'm glad all the mysteries are solved...what's stinking up mario's car and Where the hell is the garlic? Two seemingly separate situations come together in "The bag of garlic that funked up Mario's car for a month"

I'm glad it wasn't my car because I bet those little bastards were COOKED up good!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Not to Keep Picking on Mario, but...

I just can't help it. He keeps setting himself up. Really. We were at dinner yesterday. We had finished supper and were just sitting, talking, and enjoying ourselves. The waiter had taken our dishes and came back with a refill of iced tea for Mario. We continued on in our conversation. However, then Mario looked down. He had a puzzled look on his face.

Mario - "Did you take my straw?"
Me - "What are you talking about?"
Mario - "Did you steal my straw?"
Me with confused look on my face- "Why would I take your straw?"
Mario - "Did you take my straw"
Me looking at said straw in his iced tea - "What are you talking about?"
Mario - "I had a straw, now it's gone."
Me thinking he's nuts - "Are you blind?"
Mario staring at his iced tea straight at his straw - "My straw is gone."
Me pointing at the mysteriously invisible to Mario straw - "Is this straw right here in your drink, the missing straw?"
Mario - "Oh yeah, there it is"
Me - "You need a vacation"

Of course I had the giggles after that. I love how it was just assumed that I stole the straw. The waiter taking the straw wasn't even an option for him. I was absolutely the culprit, as if I have a history of stealing people's straws.

What made me really laugh, was that it reminded me of this clip from Wipeout. I have always loved this clip. She not only is the first person across the big balls, but she's a little nutty...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


You know you have cats when your husband yells "Someone left a gift!" and you respond "mouse or bird?" However, it occurred to me that he was a little happy. "Is it the Ukulele strings you ordered?" It wasn't any of those exciting things. 

It was this...

When I was visiting my family in Germany, one of our cousins had a box of beautiful veggies delivered once a month or twice a month. When I came back home I looked into having a box of veggies delivered to me. I never really found any good services at the time.

I thought about it a lot and looked into it here and there, but haven't really found a service that fit. Until last weekend. We were at the Greek Festival in LA, Mario and I were walking around enjoying the food and music, when we came upon a "Farm Fresh to You" booth. I was so excited! Of course there was no one running it. We hung out for a while and then took off. We came back to that booth three times and no one was there. I started to except the veggie box delivery wasn't going to happen. Then at the last minute, I went back for one more look...THEY WERE THERE! I practically jumped the guy. Luckily he was so nice and talked veggie recipes with Mario, while I filled out the form.

We weren't supposed to get anything until next week, but I am so excited! I cannot wait to get started on it! 

Green Chard, honeydew melon, heirloom tomatoes, fingerling potatoes, plums, peppers, lettuce, carrots, baby bok choy, beets, grapes, pears

Getting a box of veggies on the porch is way better than a dead offense bob.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Lotiony Soap

My sister in law gave me a bottle of soap. No she wasn't trying to tell me least I hope not. She knows I love the scent and I happened to be running out of soap. So, when my bottle of soap ran out, I popped that new bottle of soap on the sink and went to using.

The only problem is I don't really like it. It smells good. It cleans well. The problem is that it's moisturizing lotion style soap. It's loationy. It doesn't dissolve like normal gel soap. No matter how hard you try to rub all that soap into your hands with water, you never get it all. About half of that pump of soap ends up in the bottom of the sink. It doesn't rinse from there either. It gets stuck to the bottom of the sink in a blob. And it looks like snot!

It's making me crazy! I feel like I'm spending half my time in the bathroom cleaning out that sink full of snotty soap blobs. And we are only half way through the bottle. I've even been experimenting with using smaller amounts of soap, in hopes that I will find that perfect amount that dissolves in my hands and doesn't stick to the bottom of the sink. Only it hasn't happened. It has only ensured that this bottle of soap is lasting far longer than it needs to.

Turns out I am not the only one that has a problem with this soap. I mentioned to Mario how the soap was making me crazy and he said he felt the same! I was so happy! Good it's not just me!

He went on to say that the lotiony soap looked so similar to the regular lotion that he was constantly mixing them up...and multiple times he has pumped a bunch of "lotion" into his hands and started rubbing it all over his face and into his beard before realizing it was actually the soap. He then spent ten minutes trying to wash that shit off of his face and out of his beard....and it takes forever cause it just doesn't dissolve!!!

Um yeah honey, I don't quite have that problem. I just don't like that it gets stuck to the sink and doesn't go down the drain. Actually, that sounds more like a "you" problem babe. Cause the bottles don't look a thing alike.

Monday, September 13, 2010


After having been promised the girls a few months back, we finally picked them up from my sister's house. Three of my dad's framed Petty Pin-up girls.

Of course I had to find them first. Dad left behind quite a few framed pieces of artwork and photography. So she had a whole closet full of frames and art and photos and quite a large quantity of toilet paper. After standing in front of them and looking past them three times, she decided that I had already taken them home the last time we visited. I don't think so jerkface! I'm not buying it! Now out of my way...oh look they're sitting right next to you. Lame attempt at trying to keep them for herself. I took them and put them in the car immediately. I wasn't taking any chances with her.

I did have second thoughts when I got them home though. I had a little panic when I thought about these three pictures on our smurf butt blue wall. It was short lived however. They are up and they look awesome! I might have to attach a security system to them though, my sister in law sat and stared at them for quite a while. Then simply said "I want them."

I love them and of course they look fantastic. The frames also happen to match the awesome lamps that my sister in law bought for our anniversary. Our room is looking a lot more finished. 

I sent a photo of the girls on the wall to my sister and she loves how they look up. She was really excited for them to be out and displayed, rather than sitting in the bottom of a closet. 

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Dear Mom,

Why yes, I do love pumpkin pie recipes. I also really enjoy autumn! I'm quite fond of both pumpkin pies and autumn....they go hand in hand really.

However, I'm not sure what Heritage Turkeys are. I also have very little interest in the best barns. Although I do think it would be cool to convert a barn into an office or a house. Realistically, though, we're not likely to find a house with a barn in los angeles. So information on barns might not be necessary. I also don't really need tips on fencing. This applies to not only yard fencing but also sword fencing.

What I'm saying is it was very nice of you to sign me up, but I really don't think I need a subscription to "Living the Country Life." It was a little exciting to see a new magazine in the mail box, but I just don't see me reading this magazine any time soon. It's likely to sit with the subscription to quilters village you also signed me up for...and that subscription sits in the garbage can or anyone else I can pawn it off on.

Your favorite daughter
(favorite is obvious from the new random magazines I am now receiving...quilters village and living the country life. Yup obviously the favorite daughter)

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Saggy Lessons

My mother's upstairs neighbor was kind enough to feed and watch out for her cat Jack, while we were at a family wedding. My mother can't stand this guy, so why she continues to ask him to feed the cat, I have no idea. 

He's an odd dude. He loves to wear sweat suits. He loves to wear said sweat suits with out a t-shirt underneath. He likes the jacket unzipped about half way down his chest, revealing far too much skin and hair for anyone's taste. He's older and set in his ways, so he's a bit of a complainer and a bit more of a bullshitter. He'll talk your ear off, if you let him. 

Sunday morning after we got back, I decided to run out to my car to get something. I was half way up the stairs when I identified the strange noise I was hearing. Click, pause, click, pause, click, pause. The unmistakable sound of nail clippers...right. above. my. head! This neighbor was sitting at the top of the stairs above me, clipping his nails. I ran up the rest of the stairs holding back a gag, as I pleaded with the gods to not let any toe nail clippings fall on me.

I kept my head down and face forward hoping he wouldn't notice me. No luck. "Well, Good Morning!" he yelled as he clipped away. I took a quick glance back and said "Morning!" I felt the tiniest bit of relief to see that he wasn't clipping his toe nails above my head. It was merely his finger nails...still disgusting! I have very strong feelings on nail clipping and foot sanding in public. They should be kept in the privacy of their own bathroom! What about pedicures? Somehow that is alright if you are in a spa having it professionally done. Maybe because I know I will be walking into a business where I will see this, I can anticipate and prepare for it. However, I do not want to be surprised while I walk to my car or while on my vacation...this just isn't cool.

After a quick good morning, I high tailed it to my car. I got what I needed out of the car and headed back towards the apartment. I said a little prayer under my breath that he'd be gone. Of course he wasn't. He was waiting at the top of the stairs. It was then that I realized that he had veered off his normal uniform. Not only was he sans t-shirt, he was sans jacket. He was standing up there in a pair of baggy gym shorts and too big flip flops...that was all. I was lucky enough to be looking at saggy old man boobs.

Of course, he was already talking to me as I came around the corner. He was talking about feeding the cat, and raccoons, and the cat hanging out with raccoons, and throwing his flip flops at raccoons in the trash can...blah blah blah. I decided I was going to nip this in the bud. I started slowly walking down the stairs one step at a time. With each sentence, I took another step down. He pointed toward the window that the peeping tom raccoons where looking in...I took another step down. He thinks the cat and the raccoons are friends...another step down. 

I was two steps from the bottom, when he started talking about the deer that was hanging out next to the steps earlier that week. I was just going to look up and say "All right, thanks for watching the cat! See you later!" However, the big, huge, ginormous hitch in my brilliant plan was reveled. Under most circumstances, my evacuation plan would have worked well. However, when I looked up to say good bye, I looked straight up his baggy shorts at saggy old man balls. Today was the day that I learned the upstairs neighbor not only goes without t-shirts but also goes without underwear.

Karma really can go either way. This time she reared her head and kicked me in the face! It was a steep learning curve, but I have learned my lesson! I won't be such a shit to people I don't want to talk to. I will stand there and make awkward conversation with strangers.. just so long as I don't have to see any more saggy old man boobs and his matching saggy balls.

Friday, September 03, 2010

Ask and You Shall Receive

I still haven't decided what necklace I'm wearing to the wedding. It's a very important decision you know. Mario thinks I should just wear the long necklace that falls into my cleavage...probably for the boobies. But I'm still unsure. I probably won't really know until the last minute. It's fun really, I kind of like the surprise of it all. Who knows what I'll wear!

I figured I'd rummage through my sister's and mom's necklaces and see if there was anything that struck my fancy. We all have very different taste, so I'm not counting on it, but its worth a shot. They always wear my earrings when they visit, so its totally fair! Mom's necklaces are apparently packed away some where. And we won't see lindsay until tomorrow when we pick her up. I'll raid her supplies then.

Until then I'll just get ready for bed and...hey what's that! I happened to look over and notice two bins full of grandmas cheesy fake jewelry...awesomeness! I looked through the bins not too long ago and had kept a couple of small pieces. However, tonight I looked through all of them again with something else in mind. Last time I looked through, I was not looking at necklaces. Which happened to be grandmas main focus...necklaces and clip-on earrings. So tonight the bins held all kinds of cheesy goodness!

There are officially four or five more necklaces in the running. Ranging from chees-irific to cute and modest(I don't think grandma wore any of these modest ones). I'm excited though. There are some fun things for every day wear. I told Mario that grandma was saving him a lot of money!

Honestly, even if I never wore any of these, it's so fun looking through all this old jewelry!