Friday, August 26, 2011

ADD Blogging

1) I am still trying to tan away that tshirt that is still on me. I really didn't get a lot of time in at the pool the week before that wasn't much help. I still enjoyed it though! I'd kill for that pool this week!

Today it occurred to me that I really only have a week to get this done. Either I get some sort of a tan, get a spray tan, or wear a sweater. Left with those options I laid in one of the chairs in the backyard, sprayed the hose  straight up in the air, and pretended that the air conditioner was the sultry sound of the ocean....not even close! At least I tried. I heard about this great beach in Long Beach...might have to try it out next week.

2) I am now the proud owner of a new-to-me camera! I'm so happy! I feel like I'm working with better tools. No more ghetto camera! Woo Hoo! I should have had this camera three years ago!

3) I'm due for some new bras. So, I'm at that point where I'm wearing the bras that have issues. A couple days ago, I revisited a bra that had been relegated to the back of the bra drawer. One strap that continually falls down. Broken underwire. I can't stand wearing it any more. However, It does pull the girls up and gets the job mostly done. Out of desperation I strapped that brazier on and headed out to run errands.

First errand down, I headed to the dollar store for a few very high quality items. I collected my things and headed to the check out. A nice looking guy got in line behind me. I checked out and that was that. Just as I got to my car, I heard a "hi". I turned around to see the cute guy from in line. I said hi back. Then I got the cheesy "How you doin?" Very Joey Tribiani from "Friends". "Uh good thanks" Then I turned to unlock my car...very happy to have something to do rather than just stand there awkwardly. Seeing another opportunity he said "Can I help you put your bag in your car" I looked down at the one single bag I was holding and said "Thanks, I got it" He smiled and walked away and I said to myself, "Man I need to wear this shitty bra more...that dude was hitting on me!"

6) I've decided that the new neighbor is making me nervous. He's a bit cocky. He also parks his big truck right out front and stares down the assholes across the street. He's been keeping a big eye on those guys. Because of that they are watching him. At night everyone around is turning out their it's so so so dark on the street. I'm hoping nothing is going to happen before we move. I don't want him to set anything off. Mario says at least the attention is officially off of us. I'm not so sure. We just have to make it another month or two and we are out of here. (Getting that new camera set us back a few weeks in moving, but it was a priority for the wedding. I know it doesn't make sense when it's written out.) I think I need to start calling the city and try to get a street light put in. They all might be turning their lights off but it's so dark! You can't see what's going on at all. They have even taken to putting a blanket on the fence...the neighbor thinks it's so he can't look in. I just don't want him to get too cocky and start anything. I hate this!

5) Luckily I have my sister's wedding to keep my mind off all that. It's all of a sudden next weekend! I have gotten countless phone calls about hotels or no hotels. Should my friend stay with us or should she stay at a hotel. I mean I finally told my mom to decide and let me know when we get there. I can only tell my friend she's in a hotel, in the living room, in a hotel, in the second bedroom, at my sister's house, at a hotel, we're at a hotel, in the sunroom so many times. She doesn't care. Just make sure she has a place to sleep woman!

We have the same situation with hair and makeup. Mom wants to drive 45 minutes away cause her lady is somewhere else and she trusts her hair lady. Well, I'm not driving over there when there are closer salons. Lindsay is going to one place, mom at another, her best friend at yet another, We should all go to mac at macys. No over here. No, all at Lindsay's place. My mother and sister are killing me and it never fails that if one calls, the other starts calling or texting. Ask mom to do this. Ask your sister that. Luckily I have finally found how the phone can make a conference call. They both call at once. I connect them all into one call and then make them talk to each other. I live six hours away...they live 20 minutes apart! Get it together ladies! I know it's crazy now, it will be over before we know it. I can't wait to get up there!

6) I'm also still trying to figure out how to make a proper photo booth for my sister's wedding. We have the general idea, we just have to compile it all together. I have one week to get this together and working. I don't want to have to worry about it when we get up to the Bay Area. One of my best friends is flying in to shoot the wedding and we have things to take care of up there. I don't want to have to stress out trying to get it finished and cook and get ready and figure out what we're doing. No thanks.

If everything works out, we should have some very cute and fun props and a fun little photobooth. So long as those Craigslist people call me back and follow through...we know how flackey they can be. It's ok, I have back-ups...and back-ups for my back-ups.

Saturday, August 20, 2011


The only real pull I have at the restaurant is the advertising. As the official "Marketing Director" and knower of the internets, Rene really relies on me to make the marketing decisions. It's pretty easy really. We have a zero budget, so as long as it fits in there...we're great! Every once in a while we break the rule, but it needs to be a very sweet deal.

Generally when something interesting comes through, I'll get a call from Rene asking me to run down to the restaurant for a quick meeting or to give someone a call. It's generally a pretty easy thing to deal with...a quick "no" usually answers the question. However, Monday, Rene called me to talk to a gentleman with an advertising proposal. I was going to be heading down the restaurant soon, so he decided to wait and talk to me in person.

He was selling very expensive advertising spots in a cheap little magazine that he hands out at his plays. He's an actor...and boy did he lay it on thick! He was working towards an Emmy. He made me happy, he made made me feel thoughtful, he tried flattery. "I've heard the best reviews about your restaurant! My audience raves about your food! Why would people rave so much unless it was a simply wonderful restaurant!"...he made me laugh. Nice try sir. Sweet talking is one way to make a sale. However, he must have felt my indifference to his advertising, so he went in for the kill...

Actor enter stage right "Well lovely lady, what is your favorite food?"

Lovely lady...I mean Me "Well, let's see. I'd say sushi is my favorite food"

Very Serious Actor looks at me very very seriously, tears up a little, then says "My brother. My baby brother! Married a Yugoslavian woman. She was young and beautiful. She married him for his money, you see. She wanted his money and wanted him to take care of her. She refused to cook for him. So my baby brother had to go find his own food. The only restaurant around was one sushi restaurant across the street. He ate there three times a day!..."

He paused and stared at me straight in the eye.

Then he continued, "I went to visit him one day. He didn't recognize me! He did not know who I was! Do you know how devastating that was? The doctor told me he had Alzheimers. For the three months, he had been eating sushi three times a day and it had given him Alzheimers! He didn't know who I was!"...very important pause..."Well, three months later I went to visit my baby brother and he had died! DIED!"

He stopped again to look at me. 

"The doctor said it was the raw fish. That raw fish he had consumed turned into mercury in his blood! You can not eat that sushi any more! I feel god has sent me here to tell you to not eat sushi! The only people who can eat raw fish are Asian people! They are the only people who's bodies know how to process raw fish. So, you cannot eat raw fish!"

We sat there and he stared at me. for. a. very. long. time. He just stared at me, trying to make me uncomfortable. Then I said "Well, fish doesn't turn into mercury sir. Certain fish do contain more mercury than others, but I don't think I eat enough to do me harm. I only eat sushi once or twice a month...not three times a day. "

Actor "Well, if your little brother died...died from sushi would you eat it again? If your loved one died because of this, could you really eat it again? I bet not!"

Me "Well, probably not. I do apologize for you loss."

Actor "I think I was sent here by God to intervene. I was meant to stop you from eating sushi!"

He really thought that he had given the best performance of his life. I think he expected me to write out a check right there and then. Not a chance.

Me "So, what's the deadline on the advertising...."

Then just like a switch, he was back "Oh I'll call tomorrow and set you up! I just hear so many raving reviews of your restaurant! I'll even give you free tickets to one of my shows! You can talk to my audience!" (No thank you sir, I just saw a performance)

Then he popped up and took off. I looked over at one of the guys that works at the restaurant. "Did you hear that load of bullshit?"

One thing you should always remember! You can't bullshit a bullshitter! Don't think you can come in here and pull one over on me! I knew you were lying when you said that your patrons rave about our restaurant! Well, good sir, some people do rave, but I read every online review about our restaurant...people aren't raving like you say they are!

Also, you might play the little old man card, but you are still an actor. I know actors and I know the loads and loads of shit they shovel! Your act was good. When you felt me slipping you went for the guilt! You thought that you'd get this girl by making her feel bad for you! Nice try, but the minute you asked me what my favorite food was, I knew it was a script. I knew you had probably already asked Rene that same question. I knew that whatever her answer was, your brother will have died from that favorite food like he died from sushi. She will fall for the guilt. That is why she called me in to tell you that we weren't interested. She knows I'm heartless tougher when it comes to salesmen and have no problem telling someone no. That's why she called me.

I'm sure this all sounds a little harsh...but the minute I talked to Rene, I found out baby brother had not only died from sushi, but he had died from Mexican food as well! Imagine that! It was quite a performance. The only thing it was really missing was the tears. Had be given me some real tears, I would have written out a check right then and there!

Plus, don't you think God had more important things going on than sending you to stop me from eating sushi? If he wants me to stop eating sushi, all he has to do is give me a bit of food poisoning and I'd be off it for a good long time! It would probably be a lot easier than listening to that performance he just gave!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My Mother

I just realized that I have never introduced my mother's blog on here. I know she's a bit nervous about me showing it, but I think she writes pretty well. So, take a look and let her know what you think! I'm very proud of her and she seems to really enjoy it.

She's so cool, she's even got her own website!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Cringe worthy

Last weekend we spent Saturday afternoon at a friends for a pool party movie night. Lots of eating, drinking, swimming, more eating...then when the sun went down, we watched a cheesy movie on the side of the house. It's a fun time with some really nice people.

Generally it's the same people every year. Great people Mario has known since college. They are all very sweet, funny, and very laid back. I'm pretty much the newest person in the group. Every one else has known each other forever...some since elementary school. So, it's taken me some time for a few of them to really warm up to me. Well, really only one guy. I'm sure he's a nice guy...I wouldn't really know because he's never really talked to me. I'm not exaggerating here. He'll walk in give the big general "Hi", hug the people he knows, and not make any eye contact what so ever. I'm pretty sure he's guarded or shy towards new people, but I'll be honest it comes off as arrogance.

Well, after three or four years of randomly hanging out with mutual friends, he did it. He talked to me. We were both in line getting food, working our way from opposite ends of the line towards each other. I guess he finally decided there was no avoiding it, since we'd be meeting over the pasta salad at any minute.

C..."Hi, how are you?"
Me...silence...then I did the cliche look over to see who he was talking to...holy hell he's talking to me!..."Hi, great. How are you?"
C..."Oh, good good."
Me..."Good...oh this looks yummy"...then we both walked away.

I know, awkward. However, that awkward was not nearly as awkward as Mario's reaction to C talking to him. I've never heard Mario really nervously chatter. He's one of those people who can talk to anyone. He makes friends every where. However, I think he was so thrown off by C actually talking to him, that he couldn't stop talking at all.

Everyone was just finishing dinner, when C and his friend stood up and started saying their good-byes. As they made their way around the table, he said good-bye to Mario. That opened the flood gate.

Mario "Alright, man, it was going seeing you! Next time I'll bring tri-tip.

C and friend..."Oh, ok. Nice"

Mario "...yeah and I am now off the waiting list and am now approved to buy blaak! So maybe I'll bring some of that next time..."

C and friend..."Uh, I don't know what that...blaak?"

Mario..."Yeah, you know the Beakman Boys? No? Well, They bought a farm and have a lot of goats and make this cheese. It's supposed to be really fantastic. One of them used to work for Martha Stewart and the other guy works in New York still, but they are really trying to make the cheese business work...."

C and friend looked very confused now...and the only person who knew Mario's thought process was me. I knew exactly where he was going and I was cringing. You know when you meet someone from Baltimore and you say "Oh hey, my aunt is from Baltimore! Do you know aunt Suzie?"...because everyone from Baltimore automatically knows everyone else from Baltimore.

Even though Mario doesn't generally pull that. That's where he was headed now. I don't think it was intentional, but it was happening none the less. See, C and his friend are gay. So, Mario's brain said, hey they are gay, so they must know the Beekman Boys, because 1)they are also gay and 2)the one guy worked for Martha Stewart and gays love Martha. Mid way through the jabbering on and trying to explain what he was talking about, I think he realized his mistake. So, he was trying to explain the Beakman Boys without flat out saying...well they're gay, and you're gay, so I automatically thought would know them...cause the entire gay community knows each other...right?

Thankfully, C and friend didn't have a clue what Mario was talking about. And as awkward as that conversation was, it would have been more awkward had they realized that Mars was totally stereo typing them. I have no idea if anyone else was listening and had caught on to the predicament Mario had gotten himself into. I just kept thinking, well, it was a brief and awkward conversation...that will teach him to talk to us! Hopefully he'll just go back to his ignoring us now.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Pool party at our house!

One if the really nice perks to our apartment is the nice size back patio. BBQs, fire pit, garden, storage, and laundry...all kinds of things can go out there, including us and a gin and tonic.

One of the favored activities of our neighbor is pool time. Every summer he goes down to Target, picks out one of those big square blue inflatable pools, comes home and sets it up for the summer.

We set up a pool one year and loved it. It hasn't quite been as hot the last two years, so we haven't set one up again. We didn't want to give up space for something we might not use. However, it never fails that our neighbor sets one up every year. He has pool parties with his buddies, BBQs, and just enjoys it in general. 

Now that he has a live-in girlfriend, they've decorated the patio a little bit more. There are cute Hawaiian touches...tiki torches, posters, wall coverings. It's gone from bachelor inspired utilitarian to campy Hawaiian. It's pretty, I'm not above taking a peak over the fence to see what they've done. 

A few weeks ago though, I noticed they emptied the pool. I say noticed because our patio was now full of their pool water...I love being the tiniest bit down hill! I thought it was a little early for the pool to come down. It's still warm out and they use it.

So, when we ran into the neighbors the other night, we found out what happened. They didn't empty their pool. At first, I was thinking it might be our asshole cats...way to go jerks! Nope. It was the assholes across the street. We assume at least. Why do we assume you ask? Well, because they went outside to find the pool deflated and a bullet in the bottom of it!! HOLY SHIT! Probably from someone shooting up into the air. How f-ing scary! 

We are definitely moving in October! That's when we know we'll have the money. I have had a lot of shoots lately (photo shoots mom, not drive bys) but have no money yet...I hate waiting for billing!! It is time to get out of dodge!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Things have been fairly quiet around the homestead. I haven't stolen any cameras or puppies, so at least I'm behaving! 

1) I'm really feeling good about my business. I've been really trying to ramp it up. It's really turned around though lately. A month and a half ago, I was wondering if I should still be doing photography. Now I'm back on track. I'm back on my plan. My to-do list is nice, long and very detailed. I have a list of goals a mile long and am just feeling inspired again finally. I actually have some pretty big plans in the works...very excited!

2) I have found a photo of Coco that I think should fully explain why I am obsessed with her butt...

Look at that butt! It actually looks pretty tame there, I mean she can balance a glass on top! I mean I think my butt is that size, but my waist sure isn't that size! I really don't think it's that round. So that's that. There is the famous butt.

3) I have so much to finish in the next month and I'm not sure how I'll get it finished and not sure if I have enough money to cover it all...I better! I can only really tell you part of it...part is a big secret that I can't tell you until afterwards. Part of the big news is that my bebe sister is getting married next month. Totally not ready, but I'm totally excited! Being so far away makes me feel so removed, but she keeps giving me little things to do down here. I can't wait to see how it all comes together! 

I have two photography assignments for the big wedding. First, was hiring one of my best friends as the photographer as a gift for my sister...otherwise I was going to have to do it myself and that isn't so easy when you are in the ceremony. So, I have to fly her out from Arkansas and get to the wedding on time! Not like she's a problem, but now I have to coordinate Mario, me and Tracy...and poor girl has to put up with my family under stress and nerves! She said she'll just bring a box of wine for when they start getting out of hand. At least she knows their "medicine"!

Also, I have the very important assignment of setting up a photo booth. I'm excited. It would have been a breeze, except that my sister choose the one park without any electricity. So how do you run a printer, computer, lights, and all that fun stuff without any where to plug it in? I have something in mind but we'll see if it least it's for my sister and not some bridezilla. Hopefully I get it all worked out soon!

4) In other news, we have a new gang in town. The neighbors even came and asked if we had seen them. We have in fact. It seems like there have been quite a few more of them lately. It's not totally comfortable because you can't always see them, but you know they are sitting in the dark watching. 

Opossums. A whole gaggle of them...or whatever a bunch of them is called. They live in the tree right in between our two doorways. The tree favors their door a bit, so when they walk up to their door they come face to face with the gang. 

I can actually hear them climbing around in the tree right now from our apartment. I can hear their nails scratching on the branches...creepy right? They are climbing around. We came home last week to one little guy sitting in the bushes next to our door. Luckily they aren't confrontational.

I'll tell you what, I'll take this gang over the gang across the street. Although, I think our neighbor might choose the guys across the street over the little family of animals that greets her when she comes home each night.

5) I'm dog sitting the next week. Hopefully I'll get my fill of puppies. But my real goal while dog sitting will be tanning by the pool. One of the bridezilla's requests is that we wear a white dress. I am a natural odd pink color. I'm not a natural tanner, but I can pull a little bit of color. However, no matter how hard I try I will still have a  the farmer tan. Yes, I will probably look like I'm wearing a white tshirt under my dress. It's a classy look I tell you, but very few of us can pull it off with that special flair. If tanning doesn't work, I'm going to resort to a big flower or a butt bow to keep people's attention off my tshirt tan.

6) No more surprise visits from the new neighbor. However, if you look at the comments from that post, our former neighbor mentioned that she mistook our door for hers a few times. I was laughing so hard. She said there were a few times after dark when she couldn't figure out why her key wasn't working, only to realize she was at our door. Now I'm surprised that I haven't done it myself. 

7) I'm making this too long...but last week, Mario came running in the bedroom all excited. "I bought a house! I bought a house!" I felt a little feeling in my soul...I think it was hope and excitement and wonder at how..."on my Star Wars Galaxies Game!" 
Me "You really came in here and woke me up at 2am to tell me this?" 
Mario "You can help me decorate it! I'm going to go kill some guys so I can get a rug!"
What else can you say? I went back to sleep.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

I'm more desperate in my subconscious

I'm going to start by saying that the current state of my camera is pathetic. It is over six years old...which, in the digital world, is antient. I'm sure the exposure is off. The hot shoe for my flash is loose, so I have to hold the flash in place a bit. But it's been a good camera to me...especially considering the abuse I've put it through. It's travelled with me, it's been there on special occasions, it's been dropped, it's got personality, and it's stubborn.

That being said, I am long overdue for a new camera. Long long overdue. I've had my eye on the new camera for a while now. However, life has ways of keeping that new camera just out of repairs, bills, all that random stuff that always comes up when you are just about ready to buy that beautiful new camera.

The new camera idea is so far from new though, that there have already been two versions of the camera released. I need a new camera and I want a new camera. I think about it quite a bit and I can't wait until I finally get my hands on it! This morning I was made far too aware of how desperate I am apparently really getting.

I dreamt last night, Mario and I were in an autobody shop. I needed to take a photo Of some things for insurance and the auto body shop was nice enough to lend us their camera...the exact beautiful camera that I want and need bad! They had no idea what they had! I was beyond jealous! The man handed over the camera and was called to help another customer in the other room. When he didn't come back and as we waited for our ride, I convinced myself that they had totally forgotten the camera exsisted. So, I decided to keep it...ok I'll be honest, steal it. I carefully wrapped it up in a jacket and put it with our stuff. Then we hung out. They had completely forgotten about the camera. It was mine free and clear!

Apparently I am so desperate for this new camera, that my subconscious is willing to steal for it! What have I become?! Not only that, but when I knew I had gotten away with the camera, I decided that I wanted their cute little dog too...What is wrong with me!!

Luckily, I'll hopefully finally be able to actually buy my new camera in the next month or I won't actually have to resort to robbery. Still, am I really that desperate that I'm willing to steal a camera and dognap a dog!

Friday, August 05, 2011


Much to our dismay, we have a new neighbor. Our favorite Miss Monica and Egon the attack kitty moved...thanks to those a-holes across the street. Good for her, boo for us.

However, It never takes long for our landlord Albert to fill it. Just about the time I was thinking about offering to photograph it for my landlord, there was a truck pulled up unloading furnishings. That's cool. We walked by and there was a young woman and a man just about finished moving things around. We stopped and introduced ourselves. They seemed nice enough. The man was moving in and his daughter was helping with the move.

As we walked away Mario said "Divorce".
Me "What! How did you come up with that!"
Mario "Single man moving in a single apartment. High school daughter helping him move. I smell divorce all over him!"

I couldn't help but laugh. I guess it makes sense. It's just such a random thing to say!

Cut to Tuesday night. I'm working on a shoot. Mario's being a good husband and making me dinner. I've watched the new neighbor go back and forth to the garage a number of times. It looks like he's doing a few repairs or painting. Out of the corner of my eye I see him heading back from the garage. But then I hear someone stop outside our door. I hear the screen door open and no one comes in. Maybe I was mistaken and it was one of Mario's friends stopping by to say hi. So, I look at the screen door and wait for who ever it is to come in.  In steps the neighbor. He's looking out towards the street (probably trying to figure out what those a-holes across the street are doing) and cleaning off a tool. When he finally looks up, the look on his face was priceless!

First the look said "Hey why's the neighbor sitting on my couch?" Then it changed to "hey that's not my couch!" Then it finally hit him and he looked horrified! "OH MY GOD! FOR FUCKS SAKE! Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I was looking over there and then I just walked...oh my god!"

I was screaming, I was laughing so hard. Mario finally stepped out of the kitchen to see what all the commotion was about. I was still belly laughing. I couldn't help it. My first thought was "Oh he'll fit in just fine". Then it occurred that maybe he wasn't used to doing dipshit stuff like that. So, I was finally nice enough to say that it was fine and it was just a mistake.

But then I started laughing again and he backed out, shut the door and left. I felt a little bad after he left for laughing so hard, but I can't help it. I love when that kind of shit happens! This is also the precise reason I lock the door if I'm going to be walking around nekkid!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I just found a new way to read blogs and I'm totally into it. It's like a blog reader, only you can see the blog in the window. It's a nice set up. You can like blogs and all that fun stuff.