Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Conditioner for Sale!

Can we talk about my ongoing inability to buy shampoo. Not for lack of trying. I have gone to the store twice in the last week to buy shampoo. Only when I was applying the newly purchased shampoo to my head, did I notice that I had in fact bought conditioner. Twice.

This isn't the first time this has happened. About a year ago, a very similar chain of events happened. Which in turn, led to me trying the "no poo" hair stop using using sham"poo" to clean your hair. Instead you use vinegar or's supposed to be better for your hair and scalp...all those chemicals don't strip your hair...your hair produces less's amazing...blah blah blah. I like the idea. I really do. However, I was forced into this no poo hair washing due to my inability to properly tell the difference between the word "shampoo" and "conditioner".

After last year's shampoo/conditioner debacle, I have been very careful to read the damn label. While the no poo hair thing was fine for a while, I was actually pretty happy to get back to my chemically shampoo. So when I ran out of shampoo last week, I headed to the store. I carefully read the labels. I swear. All I can figure, is that I pulled out a shampoo bottle, it looked funky, so I pulled the bottle from behind it...which should have been another bottle of shampoo, but ended up being conditioner because some jerk lined them up wrong! Of course, I didn't notice until I was trying to suds up my hair. Conditioner = no suds. Damn.

I informed Mario that we were out of shampoo and to just use the conditioner like shampoo...I'd pick some shampoo up in a day or two. Despite the fact that Mario has long hair, he's not a conditioner user. That night when I asked him how the conditioner worked for him, his response was "Babe, that conditioner is amazing! My hair has been dead sexy all day! Even Perry told me I was glowing today!" I laughed and then realized that he was serious. He went on to tell me how there were no knots in his hair and it was so smooth and again told me how dead sexy it was. The man kills me. (The thing is, Perry would actually tell Mario he was glowing. A few weeks ago he walked by Mario and his long hair at work and said "Hey Flabio...You're beautiful!" They have a special relationship.)

Regardless, of how happy Mario is with his dead sexy hair, I decided I'd pick up some shampoo anyway. I walked into the store chanting "shampoo, shampoo, shampoo!" over and over. I went straight to the isle, read all the labels, and picked up a bottle of shampoo. Yes! I did it! I finally had some damn shampoo! I got home and decided to transfer this shampoo to the old shampoo bottle because it has a pump. It took about half a bottle to realize that this shampoo looked a lot like conditioner! I screamed "NOOOOOO!!!! God damn it! I did it again!!!"

Now, not only do I have a huge half bottle of conditioner left over from before, I now had a huge full bottle bought last week, and a shampoo bottle half-full of conditioner from this week! I refuse to go back to the store. I give up. I have now forced myself back into the no poo hair thing again! I have a form of shampoo/conditioner's the only way to explain this!

You can see that I just gave up even putting the lid back on once I realized that I was putting conditioner into the shampoo bottle. Seriously that is a shit load of conditioner to get through!

Friday, September 06, 2013


Last night, I dreamt I was back in school. I was with people from high school...however, the teachers were from college. I was pretty excited to be there actually. I loved seeing everyone again and being back in a creative environment.

First day of class was our first project. However, this wasn't just any first project. This project was to be the biggest part of our grade for the entire year and also determined if we belong in this school at all. This was a make or break project.

The project...was balloon arrangements. Yes like flower arranging...but with balloons. They were grading on use of balloons and how creative we were with the ribbon and bows that hang from the balloons. Yeah. I had five balloons at different heights...very traditional. Then I got creative with the ribbons. There were far more ribbons than balloons. Some were curled, some were loose waves, some were straight...that shit was creative! I knew I was good!

Until the next morning at turn in time...most of my balloons had popped. How would I ever be accepted into this school without a bitchin' balloon arrangement! I was upset. Who wouldn't be! But I took charge and problem solved! Asked the teacher for more balloons and helium and was good. But it turned out half the class was having the same problem. I wasn't the only person with the issue, but now they were all coming to me to help.

Ok as I write this, I can totally see the after school special my brain was trying to get me to see. Don't be afraid to ask for more time or help, don't let a small problem seem bigger than it really is, you're not the only person with problems, even your peers have them, just because everyone seems to together on the outside doesn't mean they don't have popped balloons too, blah blah blah. I get it.

It's funny this dream has stuck with me all day. I don't even remember what the finished project kind of just faded away. However, I keep picturing my original balloon arrangement with some of the balloons popped and mostly noticing the balloons that didn't pop and how creative I was with those damn ribbons! Oh god, I'm totally a glass half full person! barf!

The real question is...Why a balloon arrangements?! Where the hell did my brain come up with that! Maybe I have a new calling?