Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Texting with my Mother

This morning I was reading a very reputable news site Perez Hilton, when all of a sudden my phone said my mom was calling. Of course 6am is the worst time to get a call. So, I immediately panicked and picked up. Mom wasn't responding but I could hear here talking to the dogs...non emergency pocket dial.

I let her know this afternoon when she texted me about something else...

Me "You know you called me before 6am this morning...small heart attack!"

Mom "Really??? Was trying to turn off the phone alarm. Sorry. It woke me. And I could not get to it in the phone menu."

Me "Well I can't give you a guilt trip for waking me up...cause I was awake. I did think it was funny after I realized it wasn't an emergency"

Mom "I didn't realize that I did."

For some reason, I decided to take a look at what time she called and realized my mistake...

Me "Oh my god it looks like I called you! But I was reading the news! Well that would explain why your alarm was going off!"

Mom "Ur such a shit."

I'm not sure how it happened. I was reading one minute and answering the next. Good thing it was my mom though and not anyone else! I do kind of think it's funny that she thought it was the alarm and not the phone ringing...I do the same thing when people call early.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

How I Pick Up Women

Today, I caught a nice lunch with a friend and her daughter. After too many chips, salad, and appetizers, we headed out to the car. As we slowly rounded the corner, we stopped in our tracks. Lounging under my car was a cute little cat. Of course, she picked the one car in the lot that belonged to the three biggest suckers. 

The immediate response between the three of us was "aww how cute...oh man, not another cat!" Jeanna is a kitten rescuer extraordinaire and her daughter is right there with her. Of course, I am trying hard to foster two kittens and failing miserably at not falling in love with them. Luckily, miss cute cat cut us a break. She popped right up and slowly meandered out from under the car. We all breathed a sigh of relief and continued towards the car. As I walked to the drivers side, little miss kitty was walking with me. 

Of course, I can't not talk to animals, so I said "Hey pretty mama!" The cat didn't even look back. However, I turned and saw that I was getting a great big smile from the woman sitting in the car right next to me! 

Me "Oh hi! Sorry, I was talking to the cat"
Pretty mama "Oh, I was wondering if you were saying that to me. I thought it was nice!"
Me "Well, you're a pretty mama too!"
Pretty mama "Thank you!" There was more conversation about her having lost 100 pounds, this being her favorite restaurant, this being her cheat day and her hiding out in her car waiting for happy hour, etc.

Let me tell you, she was very gorgeous. What I'm upset about, is that I never thought I would use such a cheesy way to pick up a woman! Hey pretty mama! Really! I could totally do better! I have always thought that those men that drive by and yell "Hey baby! You're hot!" and all those crappy lines like that were awful! They can do far better! I also never thought that women would ever go for that. I guess I hoped that when I inadvertently hit on someone, it would be far better than me yelling "Hey Pretty Mama!" I'm obviously not nearly as classy or as smooth as I thought I was...However, I must be pretty good, cause the cheesy pick up line totally worked! I guess after being married to Mario for 4 years I've still got it! Maybe I'll try a cheesy line on Mario...

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Cute and Talented

If you are one of my facebook friends, you probably know that Mario and I are fostering two trouble-makers kittens. They were on a shelter list to be killed the next day and we couldn't let that happen. It's something I have wanted to do for a while and this seemed like a perfect time to give it a try. So, far it's proving pretty good. With the exception of the mess they make, they are pretty adorable, feisty, and are becoming more loving every day. 

Mario and I take turns spending time with the cats and Tula. Tula was living with a bunch of cats when we got her. However, these kittens are still pretty small. She plays rough and I don't want anything to happen to these girls under our care. So, we switch back and forth, making sure everyone is getting enough attention and are very slowly trying to introduce them. 

After two days, we decided to upgrade these little boogers from the bathroom to our bedroom. More space for them and a much less adventurous bathroom experience for us. Plus the smaller little booger loved to bolt from the bathroom as soon as we opened the door to explore the rest of the house. Which is why I've been calling her Scout. I've also been calling her Bossy, cause she's a bossy little shit. Chewy or Sage is the other little girl. Mellow and far more relaxed, she could care less where she's sleeping and eating. Which is why we call her Chewy. First because she's a furry girl like Chewbacca and second because she always has her face in her food. And Sage because I felt like she needed a second name also...why not.

This is Bossy/Scout. She is the ringleader. She's small, but will bitch you out if she doesn't like how something is going down. However, she makes up for it with her all her love.

Chewy/Sage is the bigger more mellow sister. A little more standoffish, but is becoming more of a lover every day.

On their third night here, they've become far more ballsy and fearless. Mario and I had been out to dinner. We came home and made sure everyone was fed. First we spent time with Tula and then we both made our way in to play with the kittens. After hanging out for a while, I came back out into the living room to finish a little work. I could hear the television on in the bedroom, the kittens tearing my clothes off the hangers in the closet...then I heard the Roomba vacuum turn on in the bedroom. It's a little late for vacuuming, but it's really not too loud so I didn't think to much of it. Then it occurred to me that I could hear Mario snoring and objects hitting the floor.

I walked in to the bedroom. Mario was passed out and there were two guilty looking kittens sitting next to him. The roomba was under the bed going crazy. Those two little boogers had somehow turned on the power and hit the go button. Then they were clearing everything off the bed that they could. Mario was still passed out.

I woke Mario up and he was totally confused with all the noise in the room. Then he asked me why I had turned on the Roomba. I told him to look at the guilty looks on the kittens' faces. I fished the Roomba out from underneath the bed. Those little weasels went right back to their tackling and wrestling. I can't believe Mario slept through all of this. 

I have a feeling that this is only the beginning. There are only two of these girls and they are pure trouble! So, I made sure to tell my sister what she has to look forward to. She has a young mama and three kittens. The babies are only about 4 weeks old. I told her to get ready for the pure chaos when they hit 8 or 10 weeks old. I can only imagine the trouble she'll have on her hands. Now, if I can get my kittens to learn how to clean the rest of the house, this situation might really work out for us!