TMI

What is it about me that makes Mario's friend, R, tell me too much. Most of the time he's kept in check by the rest of the friends. However, there have been a few times when we were alone and he felt the need to let me in on some things that really weren't necessary for me to ever hear. Ever.

The first time this happened, he had come over to use our washer and dryer. When I went to show him how to use the washer. He found it imperative to let me in on why he had to wash his whites twice. I was already trying to make my way back to the safety of Mario...but he kept talking. Next thing I knew I was backed up to the door and he was explaining. Explaining how while stretching in Karate class, tension sometimes builds...and sometimes that pressure gets to much and a little something comes out.

I couldn't say anything. I just nodded and tried to send SOS messages via brain waves to everyone in the other room. It wasn't working but finally I was able to slip through the door and to the safety of normal people. However, it wasn't until the end of the evening, when he had left, that I was able to finally share the disturbing news with other people...R had shit his pants while at karate class!

There have been other little comments here and there, but last night was another one of those bits of info that I didn't want to know. We had invited everyone over for an impromptu BBQ. R showed up looking very sad.

Me: Hey! What's wrong

R: Oh I'm just under the weather

Me: Oh no...are you ok?

R: Yeah I'm not feeling well

Me: Well, head on out back and get some food

R: (in a very pathetic voice) Oh I only came for the good company

Then he leaned in and dropped the bomb

R: I have hemorrhoids

Me: ....

R: They're so painful and it just makes me feel so bad

Me: Hmm...well go out back and sit on one of the cushioned seats

R: Oh that's ok. I just don't want to eat anything because that's when it's painful

Me: Alright...get outside

I just hate being on the only one at the party knowing that someone's got ass problems. It's just not fair.