Friday, March 19, 2010

Indoor Gardening

I finally got to use my fancy new rake made out of old tires. I fully endorse this product as a tool useful for removal and disposal of spiders! No this rake has not seen dirt yet. However, it became closely acquainted with the ceiling, bookshelf, and floor as I chased a nasty spider around the bedroom.

For those of you who might think I am just a cold blooded killer, you are wrong. I don't just kill willy nilly. I did take the time to think about if it were a small enough spider that I would feel comfortable going to sleep knowing it is freely roaming around my bedroom. It was too big. Actually all spiders are too big. I at least like to think that there might be a small chance that I'll let it live.

A long time ago, my sister told me that people eat 5 spiders annually in their sleep. Now I'm not sure if she just told me this because she knew my feelings on spiders, although I'm pretty sure she did, however she claims this is completely true. She explained that spiders like dark moist places and the human mouth fits this bill. First I called her a liar. Then I told her that even if it were true, I was a vegetarian and don't eat spiders. Then deep down I prayed that she was just a lying little jerk.

Either way, to this day I can't fall asleep knowing there is a spider hanging out. I have even woken up randomly in the middle of the night to find a big spider on the wall. I like to think that it was my sixth spider sense.

Well, I didn't want to take the chance of waking up to find that spider anywhere near me in the middle of the night, so I went after it. I also might have verbally abused the spider while I stood safely on my bed, rake fully extended trying to catch it. From a distance, I heard myself yelling "bitch, think you can come in my house and get away with it!" and then there was a little "DIE, DIE, DIE!" and a "Oh you thought you were gonna get away from the rake did you!" I can only imagine what the neighbor thought.

After I made my kill, I kindly asked Mario to throw it away for me. He very nicely complied...although as I write this, I'm sure he did it so that I wouldn't go after him with the rake.

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