Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How I drive Mario crazy

There's one thing that really seems to irritate the mister. It's something that most other people tend love about me. Some times my episodes are merely one simple little thing. Other times of the month, it's a freaking epidemic. It's my ability to be a complete dip-shit.

Yes it makes for great blogging and let's be honest, he's got quite a list of dip-shit moves of his own...most of which I've told you about on the ole bloggy. For some reason though, he doesn't quite find the same humor in my dip-shits. Probably because he sees my path of destruction and that just doesn't bode well with his OCD tendencies.

Let's start with my trying to clear a table last Saturday. We were at a fundraiser at the restaurant. Things were quieting down and we decided to work on a puzzle. I started moving things around and making space. I nicely moved a few drinks to the side, grabbed the table center pieces and proceeded to dump the ketchup bottle into a friend's coffee...which dumped off the side of the table and on to his stuff. I immediately got the look from Mario. The "are you serious...why are you ruining people's things?" I did feel pretty bad, but all was ok in the end.

I then had to one up myself the next night. I was clearing a table at the restaurant. I had gotten everything off the table and reached for the drink...completely dumping a huge iced tea all over the place. This time I got table, benches, floor, and over into Mario's booth next to it. I immediately got the look again. This time it was "are you serious! Have you completely forgotten how to use your opposable thumbs woman?" I couldn't help but laugh cause I was thinking the exact same thing. Luckily I had back-up. Rene was the first to thank me for clearing the ass. At least she knew I was trying to help.

My favorite dip-shit move of the week was while Mario and I were driving around. We've been on the lookout for a new apartment. Monday there were two places I wanted to take a look at. One was a guest house I'd made an appointment for on Tuesday. The other was for a townhouse that I was still waiting for a call back from. However, I did have an address for it. So, we decided to take a run by and check out the neighborhood. If it wasn't up to par, I just wouldn't make the appointment.

I pulled out my little notebook with the addresses on it. Mario fired up the GPS and I told him the address. 1015 E Broadway. With our destination punched in, we headed off. A short drive away, we pulled off the freeway and started looking for the street numbers. 1100...1085...1062...ooh these are decent looking...there's the high school...park...1020...1018...a church...where are the townhomes?...let's turn around and look again....high school...park...1019...1017...should be right here...and there's the church again...Where the hell was 1015! It didn't seem to exist. We turned around for a third pass and I decided to check the street number I had written down...yup 1015...where could it be...then I saw the problem.."Oh.."

Mario "What?"
Me "This isn't the street."
Mario "What do you mean. We're on Broadway."
Me "The townhomes are on Harvard."
Mario "Where did Broadway come from?"
Me "mmm...I dunno."
That's when I got the sigh and the look...and I got the giggles. Where the hell I came up with Broadway, I have no idea, but I couldn't stop laughing. Just one more thing to add to the list of dip-shits. I had just given him a street willy-nilly and have no idea why I said it. I was looking at the paper afterall.

Luckily, I was only a few blocks off and the property was shitty. His irritation was short lived and he finally started to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. So, I made sure to remind him that he married this and if it weren't for my dip-shits, we wouldn't have so much adventure in our life.

I'm sure one day I'll drive the man bat shit crazy, although he really can't deny that I make life interesting...besides, this blog is full of his own dip-shits. His dip-shits just require less clean-up and gas.

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