Can we revisit our ongoing spider killing situation please? You know I'd rather not, but I cannot for the life of me get into Mario's head how important it is to actually get them out of the house...dead or alive. I really don't care either way, so long as they aren't in the house.
Last night, while I was trying out my new telescoping duster, I apparently disturbed a spider hiding out. He was hanging out up in a corner in the living room. So, I calmly pointed out to Mario that there was an enemy in our turf and would you kindly remove it asap. I got the irritated sigh. You know the one, where you are being alerted that you are interrupting a very important meeting he is having with the television. I then mentioned that I was busy dusting, and I was only asking that he obliterate the enemy before he goes to bed or I wouldn't sleep.
While I kept dusting around, Mario started walking around the apartment looking for something to kill it with. He kept asking me how I expected him to do kill it...it was way up by the ceiling. I told him to grab one of his flip flops, stand up on the couch and swing. He made another lap around the living room looking for something to kill the spider, and again asked me how I thought he should kill it. Flip flop, stand on couch, kill!
I was looking around for one of his flip flops. I turned around to see that he had a paper towel in one hand and my new duster in the other! What is he doing! I saw him go at the spider with the handle of the duster. He jumped back and then looked at the couch.
Me - "Are you kidding me! Babe, the reason I suggested the flip flop is because it has a much bigger surface area...making it very hard to miss the spider. The end of the duster handle is small and you just knocked in off the wall."
Mario - "Oh well, I think it's gone."
Me - "No it's not gone. It's now in the couch. Right in the spot that I sit."
Mario - "Well, I don't see it" Of course he's standing five feet back from the couch cause he has the willies and wants to escape back to his spider free end of the couch.
Me - "Babe can you move the pillows around and look for it, cause I don't want it living in the couch"
Then I quickly hid the duster so he couldn't try to use it again to go after the spider. I turned around and saw that he was squishing the paper towel up...woo hoo!
Me - "You got it?!"
Mario - "Yeah got it. I pulled back the pillow and there it was."
Me - "Good. Squish it!"
Mario kind crunched the paper towel up and then opened it to show me his kill...then got a really confused look on his face...because THERE WAS NO SPIDER IN THE PAPER TOWEL!!! I do not know how this man looses these spiders!
Mario -"I swear I got it! Where the hell is it?!"
He starts looking around again and I see him look down at the base of the couch...where my purse is sitting wide open.
Mario -"Well, it's probably gone by now..."
Me -"Are you shitting me! No, it's not gone! It's in my purse! That little fucker is going to pop out of my purse when I'm at the store! Then I'm gonna scream and throw my purse and hit someone and I'll be arrested and everyone will think I am crazy!!! Why didn't you just use the flip flop! You can never go wrong with a flip flop!"
**I realize I already sound crazy. I am fully aware and mostly ok with this.
***I just had to stop typing this blog post, because out of the corner of my eye, I saw that little fucker running across the wall!! And do you know what I did? Yes, I grabbed one of his flip flops, stood on the couch, and killed it. There is no guessing. It is dead and disposed of. Seriously what are the chances of that guy making a run for it as I type up a blog about him!