Monday, September 14, 2009

No I'm not a Disney Freak

Really I'm not. I might have stayed at the Disneyland Hotel this weekend. I might have gone to the Disney convention on Sunday. I might have eaten at Goofy's Kitchen two times this weekend. And I might have gone back to Anaheim today to go to Disneyland because we didn't actually get to go this weekend. Alright, I had a good time, but I'm not a Disney freak. The hotel was free, the convention was free, and today we went back to anaheim to see some friends off and then take advantage of the park.

I didn't get down to Anaheim until Saturday night. I had to put my community time in at the garden and then work on some photos on Saturday, so I drove down by myself later Saturday night. Mario and his sister headed down on Friday, they wanted to be there first thing Saturday morning. You would have thought Mario was going half way around the world for a month. Seriously, when did we become such mushy bastards! He kept questioning if he should go. He didn't want to leave me alone. I reminded him that I used to live alone and loved it. Yes I do sleep better with a snoring bear next to me for some reason now, but I knew I would survive the night. He was still a sappy mess....he's so cute. I was getting all kinds of sappy text messages from him. It's not like we haven't been apart before. Guess it had been a while though.

Once I got there on Saturday he was all better and happy. Of course my arrival meant that we could go to dinner and he could finally go to his beloved Goofy's kitchen. It's a buffet place. You know Mario loves his buffets. I didn't think anything of it really. We put our names in stood back and waited.

Then in walked the biggest pair of boobs ever! This woman walked in with her big fake boobs in a long red dress. That-dress-was-painted-on! I can confidently say that she was not wearing panties or a bra. How do I know this? because I could see everything! The only place that dress was appropriate was in her bed or in a porn! Certainly not in a children's themed restaurant. Anyway, she put her name in and then sat across from us. Oh yeah, she had a husband and her kid with her...almost didn't notice her family with those girls of hers. Sitting across from her I noticed something. Not only was I watching her, but her girls were watching me. Any time I moved, they followed. I asked Mario if he noticed. He said yes and it was creeping him out.

As I scooted back and forth on the seat, testing to see if her boobs were watching me, I heard it. A name was called to be seated. I knew we were next on the list, so I leaned forward a bit to stand up. Only I didn't hear our name. I heard "Boobs, party of three". What! No way. She got there after us! Those tits of hers got her seated first! I could believe it!

Of course I was mad. I have boobs too! No they aren't as perky or big, but they're a good rack. We went up to the host and mentioned that we were next. She apologized and then told us to go up and have a photo taken with goofy. My anger was completely forgotten about the Boobs. I had no idea that there was even the slightest chance of dining with Disney characters. This is my nightmare! You know my dislike of the characters. I don't know how to act around them. I turn into an awkward mute. I don't know what to do with myself. So I just smile and nod and then look down until they leave.

At this point my anger was more focused on the husband. He knew my dis-love of the characters. Maybe that's why he was being so mushy that whole time! He knew he was taking me into the lions den of walk around characters. Of course they could smell my fear. Those fuckers were all over me! Goofy, Cinderella, Dale, Chip, Geppetto, Mulan, the list goes on. The kids there loved that shit. It was torture for me. Mario was nice enough to try to take the attention off of me, but they were still drawn to me.

At one point I felt an alien presence. I knew I had to duck if I wanted to save my life...

See that big fake smile. Not happy. Actually that guy almost got an elbow to the nuts, those teeth hurt. In the end I survived dinner. The food was actually really good, but I was happy dinner was over. I was relieved more than you could know, until I found out we were going to breakfast there the next morning. No shit.

Breakfast went much better for sure. We were in the perfect spot, so I could hide more in the corner with my back to the wall. There were also three more people to take the brunt of the torture.

Actually my absolute most favorite thing happened at breakfast. As two of us went back to the buffet for some more happened. As Chip and Dale happened to cross in front of us there was a very distinct noise heard. One of those two little weirdos had ripped a big fart. Then took off running for the back room. I couldn't stop laughing as I thought about how bad it must have been in that costume at that moment. You know it's hot in there. Now it was just foul. One of the other people at the table mentioned that those costumes take time to get out of. While I do hope they made it to the bathroom in time, I felt like karma had been dealt.

That is the first time I can say that I actually enjoyed a Disney Character! Maybe I am a Disney freak!

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