Rings

Mario and I have the same phone...with the same ringtones. There are quite a few choices of ringtones,  but they're all pretty standard. When we got our phones, Mario decided that he wanted every person in his phone to have their own ringtone. Which meant that if I want to hear my phone ring, I need to use one of the few ringtones that he doesn't use. That left me with the duck ringtone. My phone quacks.

Monday I met with a friend for lunch. As we were walking back to my car, she stops and starts leaning around and looking around me. I start turning around trying to figure out what she's looking at. As I did I realized my phone was ringing, so I picked it up and just stared at her. She finally says "I hear a duck. I think there's a duck behind you. Where is it?" She was completely serious. That's when we both looked at my ringing quacking phone. "Oh, I totally thought there was a real duck." I just laughed and said "Cause there's going to be a duck in the middle of the Vons parking lot right? "

Needless to say, I've been looking for a better ringtone. Plus I don't know if I want a duck quacking while I'm talking to a client. I've been looking around for something that would work. A few years back I had the theme song from Sanford and Son...I loved that ring! It was my favorite! Part of me wants to use that one again if I could find it, but no luck so far.

While I've been looking for my own ringtone, occurred to me that the ringtone Mario selected for when I call him sucked. It's like a spooky Halloween music. I'm not sure if I should be offended really. But if you're gonna play the mean scary music for the mean scary wife, then really play it up.

So, I've been looking for a ringtone for me and Mario. I haven't found anything that tickles my pickle. However, I found the perfect ring for when I call Mario's phone. Of course they have the "your wife is calling. You must be in trouble buddy. blah blah blah" That's really not me. I rarely pull the bitch card on Mario, so it seems like a waste. Instead, I found the perfect ringtone. Of course it exudes nothing but class and respect.

Last night after Mario fell asleep, I grabbed his phone and downloaded this perfect ring. I was going to wait and call him at work, but then I remembered there is absolutely no phone reception in his office...very disappointing. I would love to have caught him in a meeting or even when it was nice and quiet. Plus, I wanted to see his face when he heard it, so I called him as he was leaving the house today.

He stared open mouthed with a slight smile on his face as the phone said...

"It's a big tittie alert, it's a big tittie alert, someone with big titties wants to talk to you, get your vitamin D!"

Yeah like I said it's all class when it comes to me. We'll see how long it takes before he changes the ringtone.

Randomness

Every night as I'm falling asleep, I come up with great blog ideas. When I sit down to actually write them...I can't remember even remotely what those great ideas were. It's making me mad too! I'll lay there giggling about it and think "oh I'll remember and write about it tomorrow." Who knows how funny they would really be in the light of day, but at least it's a blog right?

In the mean time I've been hanging out at the diner working away. We might have been nominated for Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares...very excited. Rene was a bit hesitant when the casting people called but we talked her into filling out the paperwork. I think it's a great opportunity. This place and everyone here really needs a kick in the butt. They are all partially in denial and partially overwhelmed with all that really needs to be done. So fingers crossed people!

I finally mapped out how far away I live from the restaurant and realized it's ridiculous to be driving down here. So I've been riding my bike here. It's really a nice little ride. Less than a mile. The only pain is carrying my laptop. This is when I regret buying the 17inch computer....it's too heavy!!! If I keep this up and prove to myself that I can be consistent with the bike riding, then I'll finally let Mario build me the beach cruiser that he's been wanting to. I just don't want to spend the money on something that just sits there. Although I have to admit I really want one!! Ok I'd settle for a bike with breaks that aren't ancient...ok and I want a new basket that would hold my computer...and a BIG butt seat.

I'll leave you with this...We dog sit these little guys every once in a while. Our favorite thing to do is getting them howling. Cracks me up. The day before we couldn't get them for howl for anything. This day they both got into it. The pug is "Google" he's a doofus, but he's cute. The fat little chihuahua is "Pongo" and he's in love with Mario. I just don't compare. Plus I don't have the tummy to sit on like Mario...I think Pongo likes being eye to eye with him.

Phones

I have the original iPhone. My iPhone and I have been inseparable since the day I got it. It has not only saved my butt a few times, but has allowed me to run my business from other states...all while looking slick and cool.

I have been in denial for a while, but now see that my beloved phone is loosing the battle with age. It's getting close to four years old. Rarely does the phone ring any more...which is fine by me, I don't like answering the phone anyway. In the optimal situation, the phone will ring. It's kind of shocking when it does. However, most of the time, it sits next to me silent. Then when I pick it up to make a call, it will say 5 people have called, I have 3 voicemails, and 8 texts. I have no problem getting emails. I will get emails on the same phone, from someone telling me that they have been trying to call me. Really it fits my personality perfectly, it's just not conducive to running a business.

So after years of turning down Mario's suggestion of upgrading to the new iPhone, I finally caved. That iPhone 4 finally convinced me that it was time. You want to know what sold me? The camera and video options. It's now obvious what's important in my life. Two way camera, flash, video...yep. It wasn't the fact that the phone will ring when being called, or tell me I have a voicemail when it comes in and not an hour later...it was the camera.

After waiting a month for the hubbub to simmer down with the new iPhones, I finally decided to make the purchase...only to find out there was still a three week wait to get the phone. I put my order in online and prepared for the 3 week wait.

A week into the wait, I got an email saying my phone has been shipped! So today I wait. The FedEx site that I may or may not have check 5 million times, says it will be delivered before 3pm. Around 11am I decided to take the chance and go to the bathroom. As I was coming out of the bathroom, I heard the truck! Woo hoo! I ran to the door and stood there all excitedly...and then looked down and saw the door hanger saying that they tried to deliver, but no one was able to answer the door because they were in the bathroom pooping!!!! What I heard was the truck driving away!

I immediately got on the phone and called FedEx to see if they could make the truck turn around....pretty pretty please! They put a request in to have the deliver guy try again. whew! However, it's a request and although it's likely it will be delivered, it's not a promise.

Today, I hear every car and truck drive by the house. Everything sounds like that truck, but it's not. not yet anyway. I was actually fooled a little while ago by the local "produce" truck.( "Produce" is questionable. They deliver twice a day. Once in the middle of the day and once at 11pm. What produce are they selling at 11 pm!)

So here I wait...with a full bladder. BUT I WILL NOT STEP FOOT IN THAT BATHROOM UNTIL MY IPHONE IS DELIVERED!!!!! I WILL NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE TWICE!

Cups

I hate having my period. I don't hate my period itself, my period really isn't all that bad, I just hate dealing with tampons and all that. 

One day I was reading about greener solutions to health and beauty. Baking Soda instead of shampoo and toothpaste, compostable toilets...you know, fun stuff. They eventually talked about greening up your period. I have to admit I was a little interested.

I'm a tampon girl. I'll even go so far as to say that I use OBs...no applicators and only a small amount of wrapping. Not too bad, but really not all that green. They use bleach and other chemicals. Knowing this, I was curious what other options there were. Some of the options that women have for greening up your period are organic cotton tampons, fabric reusable pads(not a chance), and then menstrual cups. None of these options sounded really great...especially the fabric pads. However, like most products I look at on the internet, I always read the user comments. 

It was interesting really. Most people that had bought and used the menstrual cups were raving about them. So I started looking at different menstrual cup options. The one that caught my eye was the Diva Cup. The name is cringe worthy, but the site was pretty helpful. I definitely put it on my list of things to try.

As luck would have it, we happened to drive by the store that carries the Diva Cup on the way home from a friend's house. Mario was nice enough to pull over so I could run inside and look for one. I totally made him come in with me...he wasn't thrilled but he obliged the ole wifey.  

There were two options of Diva Cups sitting on the shelf. While Mario wise-cracked about all the other green stuff on the shelves, I grabbed for one of the Cups and tried to figure out the difference. They looked the same, but one said it was for "women over 30 or for women who have had a natural birth or c-section". The other was for "women under 30 years old or for women who haven't given birth. I grabbed the cup for the over 30 crowd. 

Mario was curious what the difference was. I told him that I was going for the cup for 30 and over cup. Of course he started asking why I needed this one if I haven't had a kid. My response? "Well, honey, apparently when you turn 30 years old, your lady bits get all stretched out, cause it says I need the bigger size." He just laughed. I was offended really. I'm a big girl and I'm used to having to buy bigger sizes, but I certainly don't need a bigger size for my coochie! 

Of course, I did as I was told and took the appropriate size. I had pretty much finished my period earlier that same day, but I decided to give it a try. I figure, I don't want to have to try to figure it out while on my period. I should figure it out before hand.

Here's the thing, when you fold it up to slide in, it's a little wider than a normal tampon. It did take a while to figure it all out. It took some working and maneuvering, but I finally got that sucker in. There was some shoving, wiggling, and spinning. (You gotta spin it around when it's inside to make sure you get the right suction). It took a while, but it eventually was in place. 

It's different for sure. It's a cup that stays open to catch all the fluid. So there's a certain "fullness" that you feel. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I was totally aware it was there. I actually felt like if I sneezed it would shoot out and knock someone out. I'm sure it wasn't going anywhere, but it was an interesting feeling. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm willing to give it a shot just for the sake of only having to clean it every 8-12 hours. Way better than every 2 hours with tampons and not to mention how they dry me out...I like to call it cotton mouth. Plus swimming, running, dancing, and all those cliche activities that you really want to do when you are on your period, are actually doable! 

It comes with a cute little cotton bag to carry it in. And the best part? It comes with a little lapel pin that says "Diva". So now you can recognize all the other ladies that use a coochie cup....great. I might just give that to my mom...she'll love it and will have no idea what it's from! 

I'll let you know how it goes...I'm curious myself! I almost can't wait for my next period...ok not really. 

Garlic + Edamame

Last night...Very warm garlicky edamame

Today...Photo shoot for client
Today...garlic farts...It was totally worth it. Those edamame were so good.

Today I had a shoot for a regular client. I was wearing my new cute dress and even newer cuter shoes. Traffic was crap and I rolled up to the house about two minutes late. Not late enough to worry about, but of course no time to stop and use a restroom. Cause I had to tinkle! I have a strict no using client bathrooms. I knew the shoot would only take an hour to hour and a half tops. I could ride it.

The house was beautiful. The backyard wonderful with it's hidden little seating areas and herb gardens. It really was a lovely house. I was about half way through with the interiors when it hit. Apparently those yummy garlicky little edamames had worked their way through my system and were now wreaking havoc. Wreaking likely being the operative word. Luckily I have amazing control. I was able to finish my shoot without offending anyone or getting fired.

I'm glad I have such self control though, the gas you get from garlic edamame could peel paint off of walls!

Heard in a Dressing Room

Mom - I'm going to trying on clothes and you help me decide which I should keep

Daughter (4 years old tops) - Ok mom...ok...I love that one!

Mom - Well, wait for me to try the clothes on first

Daughter - Ok mom...I love that one

Mom - Let me try something on first

Daughter - Oh Mama that one is priceless!

Mom - silence

Daughter - Yes that one is priceless...you should get it

Mom - Did you just say priceless?

Daughter - I love it, you have to get it mama

Mom - Where did you hear the word priceless?

Daughter - still chattering away

Mom - laughing

Me...giggling next door

Gone to Comicon...be back soon

A.D.D. Blogging

My life is incredibly boring right now. I've been working on photos and the restaurant...and that's it. Or so it seems. Our most exciting event this weekend was getting our new used air conditioner and a sponge bob ukulele. Both awesome. Air conditioner is quiet, cold, and moves that air through the house. It is everything that the old air conditioner wasn't. The Ukulele is sponge bob yellow with the whole Bikini Bottom crew on it. It is also cool. However, it is louder than the air conditioner, but it's fun so it's ok.

Today I went and got sushi without my sushi buddy...to our usual place. Felt a little guilty. Not enough to call and extend an invitation...it was pretty late after all. I did feel a little guilty about ordering the dreamy butter and garlic edamame and a new super yummy roll we have been thinking of getting. Guilty enough not to send the taunting text message " haha I'm getting sushi and you're not" or "mmmmm sushi" that I usually send. I'm not above rubbing it in friend's faces. However, she'll tell you that I must have really felt fairly guilty not to have sent that text message.

Few nights ago, I was getting ready for bed. I went into the bathroom, stripped down, got out my tooth brush and started brushing my toofs...when I noticed an abnormality on one of my breasts. I froze. Then I choked on my toof brush when I started laughing. I had three cheerios stuck to my boobs. Of course it was a hot day. So a little sweatiness mixed with the cheerio's crunch enhancer, meant those bitches were glued on.

My excitement for tomorrow...BINGO! I would have never thought that at age 34 I'd be running Tuesday night bingo. It's actually fairly ok. I talked Tadao into being the MC for the bingo tuesdays. He loves the attention. The little old ladies love him. It works out perfectly, plus he gets free super. It does get exciting when the hardcore players come out. I love it. There's some heckling, some yelling, some jumping in seats. It's actually pretty cute to see how excited and competitive people get. Exciting right? Who am I kidding, I love that shit. I would however, like to see a little shit talking in the game. That my friends, would be awesome!

Half of my car got washed twice

I only really had a few things on my to-do list Friday. I absolutely wanted to have my glasses repaired and I absolutely wanted to have my car washed. After those two things were finished, I figured I'd run some errands or go do some work at Theresa's. As long as I got those two things finished, I'd call it a successful Friday.

Stop #1, Optometrist. I should have known then that the ole brain had checked out for the day, because I passed the office twice. Once, because it came up faster than I had anticipated...even though it was way farther down the road than I remembered. The second time I missed the driveway. Luckily I found a parking spot right out front. However, instead of properly backing in, I went in nose first and had to do the back, forth, back, forth a million times until I got in the spot.

Once I got inside, all was good. I handed over my glasses. They repaired, straightened, cleaned, and shined until my glasses looked new. Pretty exciting really.

With goal #1 finished. I immediately headed out to get #2 done...car wash time. The thing about Burbank is that it has a million car washes. I could have gone to any one of them and would have been finished in no time at all. However, I had camera equipment and camping gear in the back of the truck, so I didn't want to go to a car wash where they drive it though. I figured I'd just go to one of the little quickie drive thru car washes at the gas station.

Here's where my problem started. I am not a Shell gasoline girl. I know that the Shell station down the street has a car wash, but I don't want to hand my money over to them. Luckily, I remember seeing another station recently that has a car wash in it, so I start driving towards that one. Of course, I can't remember what street it was on.

I already know I'm wasting time and gas by randomly driving around looking for this mystery gas station with the car wash, but I still decide to pass the Shell station. I absolutely know that the other station is a few blocks down. So I drive on....and on...and on...and came to another gas Shell station with a car wash. Really? It can't be another Shell. I don't remember it being Shell. I could swear it was another company. So I drove around some more. I drove all over the damn place! Knowing that I did want to actually want to finish other things that day, I decided to just give in and use the Shell drive thru.

So I pulled in to get gas. I notice there was a little chaos going on in the car wash. The attendant was signalling for the car to leave the car wash, there were a million cars lining up and a lady drives out with soap on half her car. First I laugh a little...because bonehead lady..and then I think, shit, I'll be here forever if I have to wait in that line. So I decide to drive all the way back up to that other Shell station.

I pull into the station, fill up the tank, get my car wash code and pull into the car wash line. There was just one truck in front of me and he's heading into the washer. I enter my code into the machine, it's excepted, and then I wait for him to finish up. As he pulls out, I drive in. I inch forward waiting for the little red light to tell me to stop. I inch forward and forward and hit that little bump and still no red light. So I pull forward some more. I go over the bump and pull forward a little more and finally the red light comes on. The wash starts and sit back and relax for a bit...until I notice that the wash is starting way far back on my car. Shit. I had totally overshot the stopping point. So, I pop my car into reverse and roll back a bit but, I can't get back over the bump. Wet cement, spinning tires. Then an alarm starts going off. So I quick pull forward again to where I was. All is quiet again and the washing continues...on the back of my car. I am totally that boneheaded woman from the other car wash jacking things up! Now I know what she did! Here's the problem, because I am so far forward, the whole system is off. It soaps up the car and then the scrubber spinner thing is supposed to start from the back and move forward. However, it can't tell where the car is, so it just spins in place. I am hoping the three cars behind me are not noticing...right. I knew I had to do something. I had already decided there was no way in hell I was going to the attendant and tell him what an idiot I am...way too embarrassed! With the car still soapy and the spinners at a stand still, I decide I need to just get out of there! I'll just leave and say I washed my car. So, I decide to leave mid wash and shoot out of the car wash!

Only, I still can't see though any of my front windows. I have to finish getting my car washed, so I head back to the other Shell station again. I really don't want to pay for two car washes. I hate to spend that money, but I need this car washed. Then I realize I have cash. I'll just roll into the other car wash, pay cash, finish this car wash ordeal up, and hopefully Mario won't notice that I am such a dork ( I know he already knows, but I like to think he still thinks I'm a little cool) .

I pull into line at the other car wash. There is only one car in front of me in the wash. I pull up to the code machine and read the sign that says "wait for the car in front to finish washing before entering code". This was probably where I went wrong at the last car wash. Now I know. I wait patiently for the other car to pull out. I reach over to feed my $10 bill into the money machine, and only notice then that it only accepts $1 and $5. NOOOOOO!! I push the attendant call button a million times! There was no answering. Had I just looked closer at the machine while the previous car was washing, I would have had time to leave the car and run in and pay for a wash. Now, I have four cars behind me and I cannot just get out and run up to pay the attendant. I would be pissing a lot of people off. So, I decide to be nice and just drive through the car wash. This is twice today that I have driven through a car wash without getting my car cleaned!

Only this time, I park my car and run in to pay for a car wash. I get back in the car, pull around, and get back in line for the third time. I wait for the car in front to exit. I enter the code. I pull in slowly...not pulling over the bump. I finally sit back and wait for my car to get a nice full wash.

I'll be honest, that wash was over entirely too fast for all the time I spent, diving, waiting, stressing, driving, waiting, and driving more. I totally deserve it all but, at least my car is finally FINALLY clean!

Shitty

Not only do I have writers block, but I finally pulled myself together and wrote a blog post...only to have it disappear! Not thrilled about this.

The bad news for you is that I will not be retyping all that shit! Here's a summary...

Almost finished with Theresa's new website
Then will make myself a new site
Embarrassed with the state of current site
But have been putting making a new site off
Can't believe I'm 34 and running bingo
This Bingo shit is getting people in
What ever tickles their pickles
Finally meeting daily sales goals
Got called a pervert...by a pervert
Time for lunch
So long suckers!

Oh and here's a video of my friend Chris's new video. I love the song! I'm very proud of him!